the REAL sunday six pack

earlier this week i went back somewhere i thought i would never return…

…the land of the purple rita, baby a’s in austin. they’ve got more locations since last time i reviewed them, and one of the more ghetto ones grew, which actually inspired this bit.

in a quaint location dead center between the trailer park in austin where kramer got evicted and the housing project on the east side where kramer got evicted (they were getting astrological chart readings, but with the south florida wardrobe and southern california hair length combined with constant incense burning, people coming in and out at all hours, trying to convince landlords kramer was an astrologer and NOT a drug dealer was tough, hence the evictions – but never mind all that now) there was an odd strip center – a 7-11 on one end, baby a’s on the other, and in the middle, a subway. so, you’ve got an unhealthy-habit-supporting convenience store, a bar with nuclear ritas and carb-ridden greasy tex-mex book-ending a healthy sandwich place. fate just had to intervene…

…subway caught on fire one night.

the jerrod-feeding gods took the hint and abandoned ship. the bar thus started paying more rent and expanded. liquor trumped five dollar foot longs – which inspired a sunday six pack entitled…

six ways liquor is better for your life (and your lifestyle) than health food

(and live from the beaches of barbados, number two was written by our new globe-trotting contributor, L3 (short for Lovely Latina Leia) – an old college buddy and fellow gemini…)

6. the love of your life is running off and marrying somebody that’s NOT you – drown your sorrows with carrot juice. let me know how that works out for you…

5. we have jack daniels – healthy people have richard simmons. yeah, i think that sums this one up.

4. when’s the last time you saw a ship or superbowl (or world series, or ANY championship from NASCAR to tennis) team get showered in wheat grass tea? okay, maybe in california – but they’re all freaks out there anyway.

3. you’re out. you’re horny. there’s somebody near by that’s ALMOST do-able. almost. just a little thick. or a little off. two long islands later you’re getting your freak on. but wait – you coulda had a V8 and gone home ALONE. sure, the next morning you probably wish you did, but for that night, by god…

2. we have white wine. healty white people LIKE to whine. about everything. face it, we booze hounds are just better for society as a whole, which is further illustrated by…

1. do you know how much art, literature, and music we have now thanks to creative people turning to booze? do you know how much we would have had if they’d turned to salads? yeah, that’s what i thought you said…