“yeah, don’t eat yellow snow…”

“out on the road today i saw a deadhead sticker on a cadillac; a little voice inside my head said, ‘damn, i HATE old people with shitty-ass taste in music'” – me, NOT don henley, first weekend of fall, 2k2

i think sunday i hit an all time low. not in perversion (that has yet to happen, and we won’t go into that now) and not in allowing my humor to sink on the low-brow level (’cause i know i have YET to hit bottom on that one yet, too). no, this was an all time low in something we ALL have an “all-time” low story on.

restaurant service.

okay, i suppose that the chinese place that used to be in the building i was looking at from the table on the grin’s deck would be THE all-time low. that was the place where the waitress took our drink order, went in the kitchen to get it, got in a fight with management, and walked. without EVER bringing us our drinks (melanie, a girl at our table, finally went and retrieved them out of the kitchen without anyone in the staff batting an eye) and then we sat for THIRTY MINUTES before a manager noticed a group of TEN people in the middle of the dining area with NO food. she came up, told us our waitress had been “let go”, took our order, and we had food within minutes. we were then charged FULL PRICE. needless to say, these folks aren’t around any more.

typically, i like grin’s. good food, good people. been around a while, and it always brings back fond memories of past dining experiences there going back to college for me. but yesterday? WHOLE different story. i knew something would be up when we showed up and were told there would be a wait of about ten minutes, even though we had already waited about five for them to tell us AND we could clearly see that the joint was only about half full. it was more like fifteen for the patio, and on a day like yesterday, i was NOT gonna eat indoors. we finally get seated, get our drink order in immediately, and then get our drinks…but not the chips and queso we ordered. that took QUITE a while. and our waitress kept coming out on the patio and doing that “look around and make sure everyone’s cool” glance WITHOUT glancing our way OR bringing us our chips and queso.

when it FINALLY arrived (must have been made out of some rare, imported cheese they were waiting to clear customs) our order was placed and we sat. a while. a LONG while. don’t get me wrong, this provides ample conversation time, which i am all about. but i was also REALLY fucking hungry. seventeen days later, when the entrees hit the table (after MUCH tree shrapnel preceded it, i might add, but so it goes in the great outdoors) the chicken chipolte came with NO silverware and the burger and fries combo came with NO fries. this was pointed out, and fries were brought out five minutes later with ketchup, and STILL no silverware. “need anything else?”, we were asked, so we repeated our original request with a blank look across our waitresses face like she had NEVER heard of that before. we ate, we left.

she is blonde. she wears flip-flops to work. her name is kay. avoid her like the plague, unless you have a LOT of time on your hands. my bill was $22.65. i paid an even $23. and i STILL feel like i over-tipped.

before any of you who waitress on occasion (sin D, i’m looking in your direction) jump down my throat, realize this was SO bad, with SO few people in her section that i almost feel like there should be a 15% BAD service standard, where if it really sucks you pay NO tip and get 15% DEDUCTED off the bill. i understand that waitstaff gets paid pure shit, and that tips make or break you…literally. i also understand that some places won’t even pay you the $2.83 base salary if your tips hit minimum wage on a per hour basis. but i also feel that a tip is SOMEWHAT earned. hell, on the other end, i’ve tipped forty or fifty percent when the service kicks ass, so it all balances. i just don’t feel a gratuity is required, but maybe that’s just me. you get what you pay for in this world, but tipping is your one oppurunity to pay for what you get. or NOT pay for what you DON’T get.

then it was off for drinks with kramer after driving into austin for a mini (one hour) work day. and then THIS happens…

i’m sitting there telling a joke to kramer (go figure). mid-way through, my comedic timing is SLAUGHTERED by the intrusion of a ringing cell phone. i pick up the phone, and without even glancing at the caller i.d. say, “motherfucker i’m in the middle of a joke you just screwed up so make this REALLY good…” “who is this?”, i hear in reply. “who is this?!?”, i repeat back, “i didn’t call YOU, dumb-ass, don’t call and ask me that. i was mid-joke. i’m out with my buddy. i’m having some drinks, having some laughs, and you electronically intrude just to ask me who the fuck i am? who the fuck are you? who the fuck do you THINK i am?” “i’m charles, ” the voice on the other end says, “and i was looking for my wife, mary…did i dial the wrong number or something?” i look at the table next to me to see one SERIOUSLY pissed off older blonde woman holding out her hand, and it suddenly occurs to me that i left MY phone in the car since i hate phones going off in restaurants. i hand her her phone i snatched off her near-by table without thinking and turn back towards kramer. “think this gonna be my last round for the evening” i say, with k-mad, the waitress, and “mary” in full agreement. and to think, it’s not even MONDAY yet…

oh yeah, and don’t forget to toss your vote in on pube poll 2k2.

Replies: 4 Comments

i have the chicken dance song stuck in my head. tip me.

??? said @ 09/24/2002 07:28 PM GMT

Hell if you do 40-50% tips on good service I might just go back to Olive Garden after all 🙂 We only get $2.15 an hour base pay though so let me know where they get @.85 so I can make more while I wait for you to show up

Angel said @ 09/24/2002 05:18 AM GMT

Did I tell you that we changed our uniforms at the restaurant? Tips come easy to me now. All I have to do is lean over a table of men and my money is made for the night!

Service, schmervice: Cleavage is the ticket!

sin D said @ 09/23/2002 06:17 PM GMT

Hell yeah, tips are earned. Always. Shitty service = no tip, no repeat business. simple as that.

topenga said @ 09/23/2002 03:48 PM GMT

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