throwin’ it back twice

i OPENLY admit that last entry sucked…so, here’s a quickie few to get you through the afternoon…i went out like a bitch this morning (and on the last one on here, i admit) but it’s the thought that counts, right?

(1) the transcript

sometimes, we are men of many words…other times, few. on my way back to the office today, the phone rang and it was kramer on his mobile. here is EVERY word that was said, verbatim:

me: whussup, nigga?
kw: remember…gun control means using BOTH hands
me: bullshit…it means using a gun in EACH hand.
kw: right…thanks for correcting me on that
me: no sweat
kw: that’s all….later
me: bye

believe it or not, such chats in texas (the only state in the nation where it’s illegal to buy the weight loss pill hydroxycut if you’re under seventeen) are actually kinda normal…

(2) the ride?

have you seen what they’ve done to the hummer? talk about pussifying an american bad-ass….hell, even the NAME of the fucking thing is slang for a blowjob. now they turn around and damn near make it girly? i saw one on the road the other day and started to giggle at it…”what the fuck is that lego looking piece of shit?” i thought to myself. then it passed, and i saw the word “hummer” on the back of it. as in drive one, and never get one. i dunno…pretty sad when a former military vehicle can go so wimpy so damn fast. they call the new abomination the “h2”, and call the original the “h1”. rolling, thunderous proof that sequels never, EVER live up to the original…except with austin powers and kevin smith flicks.

(3) quiz show

do you have a dick? are you a dick? sometimes we need help in answering the little questions in life…

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liked that little test, didn’t you! Did you pass?

blame it on the tequila. that’s ALL i have to say. i remember (one of the last things i do so clearly from yesterday, i might add) that the description by the drink i had (the “fuzzy” rita) was that “after a few of these, lifes starts to SEEM fuzzy.”

no bullshit.

i got home last night and COULD not write…which is a shame because i WAS not drunk; just creatively unfocused and kinda numb. i remember kathi and i talking about SEVERAL things that i was saying at the time, “this is SO going on the ‘whore….you know that, right?”

but apparently, it isn’t. at least not yet.

i passed out hard last night and woke up late, so i’ll TRY and get a little more up later today, but work ain’t real cool with me doing the whore on the company nickel (i just got the humor in that as i proofread) so we’ll see. keep in mind, we’ve got a three-day holiday weekend coming up, and in my grand tradition in such matters, i don’t have anything to do or anyone to spend it with…

*starts singing old david lee roth song that was old when dave sang it….*

“i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i ain’t got no baw-dee………nobody, cares for me….no body”

okay, i’ll stop…

but the bottom line is, i’ll have TONS o’ time to make up for it, even though most of you won’t actually read it till tuesday, since most of you, unlike me, have lives. only kidding. i know you don’t , either…

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I’ll give you a nickle not to sing. And I had a life once, but those things are //so// over-rated.