sunday symptomatic symposium

no, i’m not sick…

…at least not as of when i’m writing this, which was about ten days ago.

no, it fits the discussion and i’m a fan of alliteration.

now, in theory i’m happy today. i say that because, keep in mind, i write this shit ten days in advance. but the twenty-fifth is payday, and if that check hit like it’s supposed to, i won’t feel unemployed. see, that’s what i’m realizing is making me feel a bit down lately – typically, when i’m home like this, it’s because i’m unemployed. before 2009 my typical unemployment streak was six weeks. six weeks after i graduated college (which terminated my employment with the university) i had my first radio gig. six weeks after i walked into kramer’s place telling him i had been fired from said gig which he swore was my calling (see the “about” section of this site for more details) i was working at sundance, which begat star tickets. six weeks after star tickets let me go because they were crumbling i was working at dell via a temp agency and a dinner bet with kramer that i wouldn’t apply (true).

but then came the recession of 2008/9, which yielded six MONTHS of unemployment and almost losing my house. while it provided a much needed reset in my psyche that kinda ended thirteen years of depression and shit, it had a pretty dark side, too. and even though this time i’m not going through it alone since i have the wife and kid here, which provides a bit more structure and shit, it still bums me out because this much free time MUST mean my job, which i love, is over…

…although as of this writing, it’s not. i’ve been answering emails literally every day. i’ve been posting on our social media accounts (almost) every day. i’ve even helped put together a charity t-shirt campaign to net our artists some dough, which will result in me eventually negotiating with some shirt places AND having to package and mail a couple hundred shirts.

yes, couple HUNDRED. our artists churn out good shit.

but austin is now shuttered until at least may 8th. that puts me at six weeks without “work”. and that’s fucking with me. in theory, again, by now i can listen to records in my studio again. as of this writing (april 15) i haven’t spent twenty-four hours in the house yet. but because the symptoms (free time o’plenty, lack of general direction, severe lack of walking around money) typically have a single cause (joblessness) i find i’m feeling the depression creeping in like the atomic life is now behind me…which if that check hit yesterday, will feel a lot less “real”…

“…’reality’ is the only word in the english language that should always be used in quotes” – consolidated (1989)