one step closer to taking out ALL you motherfuckers!

just kidding!

(especially if you work for the texas government and you’re reading this)

so, the ufc has crazy work hours. mine are KIND of crazy, in the sense that i work weekends and the weeks can go any number of ways. her’s are crazy in the sense that she goes to work at 6am V O L U N T A R I L Y. and gets up at 4am to accomplish it…

…fuck all that.

so the one time i spent the night at her place (last july) i had to get up and vacate by 5am or so, putting me home (and barely awake) just before six. i got an email shortly thereafter from “amazon local” and the top deal was a $125 handgun course for $45. knowing that the ten hour chl (concealed handgun license) class normally ran about that much, i figured it was for that – but i had no way to verify, as they weren’t open for another four hours, and there were VERY few available, so i figured i’d better act and pulled the trigger (as it were), then passed out.

i woke up a bit before noon, called the place, only to find out it was a beginner’s course on basic gun usage and not what you needed for a concealed permit. not only that, but they wouldn’t use it to give you credit towards that course – you just had to drop $125.

“fuck that”, i figured, and let it ride…

i was supposed to go take the course in july with one of the guys from the shop, but neither of us had the scratch (which was only $100 and infinitely closer to my house at the local gun range out here). we re-scheduled for august, but days before we almost wasted ten hours we found out that as of september first the course was being taken down to only four hours required, with no gun range test…

…fortunately for all of us, that last part was amended at the eleventh hour and you still have to actually fire a guy in front of an instructor to get your certificate.

in september i called the place i had the voucher from and spoke to the owner – he said quite a few people had been mistakenly “duped” by the amazon thing and so he was now honoring them towards the cost of the chl course, which with its new shorter class time was only $75 so i’d only have to pay $30 and my voucher.

“awesome”, i thought, as getting my chl was one of 2013 goals – but like the half sleeve goal, it didn’t happen “all the way”. i kept putting it off till after xmas, when i was afraid said voucher might expire at the end of the year. i went on their website and saw they had an “end of the year special” – if you booked your chl class before 2013 was over it was only $45, and when i emailed the owner got back with me saying all i needed to bring was guns & ammo – my voucher would cover the course.

too easy.

the guy i was supposed to take the course with tipped me out a box of forty caliber target practice bullets and i was off to the races on tuesday…

…almost literally, but we’ll get to that.

the classroom part was about what i expected in lots of ways (damn near insisting you join the nra and various other gun nut groups, like legal insurance should you ever shoot somebody for $12 a month) and some ways i didn’t expect (lots of viral humorous videos we’ve all seen of people shooting themselves, plus a big focus on communication and defusing a situation so you don’t HAVE to shoot somebody) and when all was said and done i scored 100 on the written exam.

no big surprise – i’ve always done well on tests.

then off to the range in the freezing cold, which wasn’t an actual range but more a chunk of land one of the instructors (a former marine scout sniper) bought out next to the formula one track (which wasn’t there when he bought it and since it’s opening last year said property has gone up $15,000.00 in value in a single year). you had to fire off fifty rounds with a maximum score of five points per for a total perfect score of 250. as most gunplay takes place at close range, you shot twenty rounds in various bursts from three yards first, then twenty from seven yards, and ten from fifteen yards. out of a maximum of 250 i scored 238. not bad considering i’ve only taken my gun to the range once (back in may or june) and hadn’t shot before that for a year or two.

so now i just have to download the forms, get my fingerprints taken, and send in my forms with the non-refundable $150 and i should be armed in no time…good thing i’m all responsible and shit, huh?