pussy hunting

yep, this is war…

…and their might even be some casualties.

it was a rainy june morning in central texas. they didn’t happen this year, but it’s not atypical for june to be pretty much all the rain central texas sees for a summer. this time it was an absolute downpour. biblical style shit. the kind of rain that the weather channel reporters don’t even wanna go out in to film their typical poncho-clad bits.

and i was briskly walking through it.

why not running? i once saw a myth busters that said it made no difference…and controlling where i go in a brisk walk is a shit-ton easier. i was leaving a taco joint after having breakfast with a woman that now hates me (which i am SO over as it’s really unfounded in reality, but never mind that now). i hopped in the camaro, and almost dropped my phone in the passenger seat but instead put in its usual home…the cup holder. good thing, ’cause as i was backing out of my parking space in the pre-dawn hours i noticed a weird reflection in the seat – which was odd. why would a grey upholstered seat reflect light? turning on the interior light revealed the reason…

…it was an inch deep in water.

the door was not open. the window was not cracked. the convertible top was leaking THAT badly. it hadn’t done that during the spring rains. hell, i can remember monsoon-style apocalyptic shit coming down in dell parking lots and it never leaked a drop. now? a colander holds water out more effectively.

getting it home and scooping out the water (first time i’d noticed the top wasn’t at taut as it used to be) revealed the culprit – a small, cat-claw shaped hole in the top. for months i’d come out to fur on my roof and fucking KNEW a cat liked the soft top as a hammock. i’d dismissed it at the time – no biggie, i figured.

now i realized it was NOT a small deal – the stretched out fabric held water nicely…and the claw hole made for a nice drain. that’s what flooded my car.

fast forward to tuesday morning. lately copper’s been getting me up at all hours for seemingly no reason – i thought it might be squirrel’s in the attic, as i’d heard some squirrelly shit up there…but i thought i had that problem licked – until tuesday morning when i got a double whammy when i walked out my front door.

whammy number one – seeing a squirrel tail disappear over the roof line in front of the front porch. i ran out in the yard to see the little fucker scamper up the roof and onto a tree. i grabbed a ladder and climbed up where i had first seen the tail and to my shock there was a hole in my roof…right about the size of three plums side by side, right along the bottom of the roof.

not fucking cool.

i went into the garage to see if i could find something to patch the hole with and discovered whammy number two – copious amounts of cat fur on the soft top of the new ride.

even MORE not fucking cool.

so i grabbed an old license plate and some black silicone to seal the roof. after that was done i turned to the car – and was thinking midevil thoughts. i didn’t just want this cat to not tear the roof up like it had on the camaro (yes, i’m pretty sure it’s the same cat that always antagonizes copper) so i went to the store and picked up some stuff for this latest “project”.

step one – lint roller the top and get all the fur off. so much fur it took TWO fucking roll papers. step two was investigation – look over it real carefully to make sure i didn’t see any visible holes, ’cause if i did this game would get WAY stepped up…but the roof appeared unscathed, save for the fur topping i’d just rollered off.

so i went with plan “a” – glue mouse traps. set four of them on the top of the car, glue side up…let the little fucker get up there and we’re ending up with some sticky, messy pussy – but to no avail, the little fucker didn’t get up there last night…

…thankfully.

i’ll repeat this for the next couple of days – possibly through the weekend. and if after i stop more fur and a HOLE appears? than i flip a coin – spring traps or something worse. i am REALLY sick and tired of people that don’t take responsibility for their pets…don’t get me wrong, mine have gotten out a time or two; but that was always by accident. this little bastard is wandering the neighborhood (and my house in particular) WAY too often for it to be an accident, and i think it’s time for a pet responsibility lesson – possibly a painful one.