you know what i kinda miss but you might not?
you know the ones – the old ones were PAGES long…now you can just tell i’ve got other shit i have to do and things just get rushed. well, after the last couple sixers have been rush jobs or flashbacks or picture caption puss-out bits i decided i’d actually sit down and take some fuckin’ TIME with one of these. so, here we are –
six random things that just happen to be halloween related (some of which were pulled from a recent history channel bit i watched…)
6. the christians did it – this surprised me but didn’t. the pagan’s had samhain (pronounced SOW-win) and the christians wanted a little attention, too…so they moved “all saints day” from mid-may (mom’s weren’t hogging that part of the calendar yet) to november 1st, the day after samhain. but as big christian holidays (christmas, i’m looking at you) tend to bleed over (stigmata pun intended) to the day before with the whole “eve” thing samhain became known as “all saints eve”, ‘cept “saints” were also called “hallows”, so “all hallow’s eve” got shortened to “hallow’s eve”, and so on. holy crap! my site has SOME educational value to it!
4. something’s missing – i like all the “sexy ___________” costumes these days on women, but as a kid my mom MADE all my costumes save for maybe one. i can remember being (in some sort of order) a clown (i KNOW this was my first one), spiderman, superman, batman, & darth vader. but that only covers five years – and i know i trick-or-treated more than five times as a child. just can’t remember the costumes from those years – and I’m guessing if i can’t remember them they probably weren’t that fucking memorable.
5. i’m a broke-ass high school kid that needs a sugar fix? – i DO remember the last time i trick-or-treated was in high school, just dressed as myself (which in the 1980’s was a bit of a costume daily, in hindsight) with JAB and two girls, neither of them were our girlfriends, but i don’t remember who the hell they were OR what year this was – JAB…lil’ help?
3. chocolate-covered bribery – in case you’re curious (more halloween history channel shit here) kids used to break windows, set fires, etc – all in the name of halloween “pranks”. one year a newspaper columnist opened her house up to neighborhood kids, giving them store-bought candy and shit to just be cool with her place. it worked. candy packaging and, coincidentally, dental school enrollment numbers were never the same.
2. the final two – i just realized i called entry number two on the list the “final two”, which wasn’t purposeful. and did i mention these aren’t in any particular order? yeah, probably shoulda brought that up. no, i was just talking about the next two halloweens are, according to mayans and conspiracy theorists, the LAST halloweens before the end of the world. i plan on actually going out for both since i’ve missed these last couple. i’m going to be billy the exterminator and angus young, in that order. figure going out as the devil’s guitar god to close it out is the way to go.
1. i’ll speak for them – if you dress your dog up for halloween, regardless of how “into it” you think they might be, i think legally we should be able to shoot you. but that’s me.