kill a commie for mommy?

no, the title isn’t made up by me…

…but it fits the latest narrative.

his name was roy cohn. he was a new york attorney who had a bit of a forest gumpian career in the 1900’s. as a clerk he helped prepare the case against the rosenbergs, the only united states citizens to ever be tried, convicted, and executed for treason in the modern era. after that, he went on to work for the government, helping dig up “dirt” on folks for the mccarthy hearings during the red scare. and after he got done screwing as many people through the government as he could? he went private defending the “legitimate businessmen” of the five boroughs, aka the fucking mafia.

there’s a wonderful documentary on him out there – i believe on hbo.

it was his later mafia ties that helped fuck our country forty years after he dies from AIDS. while dealing with all that he befriended a new your real estate developer he saw “real potential” in. when the teamsters had the cement trucks on lock and nothing was getting built, somehow they rolled out for the new site in manhattan where the tower that bore a five letter name would be built. why? because the teamsters were controlled by the mafia, and he was there go to courtroom guy.

but the cement columns we wish he’d buried said developer in (who knows who else he’d have joined) wasn’t the problem – it was the six columns roy always built his defenses on that he instilled in that (at the time) young, tall, stately dickhead. he still lives by them, and as you read them 80% of your daily news feed will start to make sense. so today, we have the return of the hump day sixer, this time written by a dead jewish gay (surprise!) mafia lawyer…

1. never apologize or admit wrongdoing…ever – you can google our presidents name and any number of phrases and return millions of results. but “trump apologizes” will never yield shit…because it doesn’t fucking happen, even when caught on tape or video.

2. always counterattack, and always with infinitely more force than what came at you – this has become a somewhat signature move, although never face-to-face, but rather cowardly hiding behind a keyboard at 2am and reposting dozens of times an hour.

3. lawsuits are a weapon, not a way to seek justice – when you’re, quite literally, the best president money can buy, you don’t have to worry about the bill because again, let’s face it, you weren’t gonna pay it anyway. and if you have more resources than who you’re going after, you can just bury them in bills and bullshit till they can’t move anymore. no other president has ever pushed more personal shit to the surpreme court in, quite literally, 250 years.

4. make the media your bitch – this one goes without explanation.

5. use fear as both your shield and sword – people are scared of crime and gangs and people who don’t look like them or worship their god or are basically just different or live a lifestyle they don’t understand. use that against them to drum up fear and then let them know only you can save them, putting yourself in a messianic light. tell people what to think, they get upset. tell them what to feel, and they’re yours. that’s the concept that built fox news to where it is. somehow white, straight, christian folk, who hold the majority of the nation’s welath, power, and population, are constantly under attack from “them”. who are “they”? nobody knows – but we must stop “them” at all costs, lest we slip to just holding 88% of the power instead of 98%.

6. build a fortress of loyalty around yourself – it was said best at a recent NATO meeting, where our current “leader” admitted that as much as he bitched about other nations not kicking in as much as they should, he was actually more concerned with their loyalty to him than he was about that.

while these all came out of the same article, i read another one while researching that also mentioned…

7. always declare victory, no matter the actual outcome – while i guess this is pretty much the first one reworded, it seemed worth noting on the morning the iran war ceasefire has been declared over, even though someone has declared victory in said conflict forty-seven times.

but now, like an aging musician who really wants you to hear their one hit live one more fucking time, he’s returned to the classics and declared that we have a communist scourge afoot. much like he’s clearly mixed up our iran incursion for an excursion, or people seeking political asylum as coming from insane asylums, it’s just another vocabulary problem for our fourth-grade educated president to mix up democratic socialism with red scare era communism. he knows “all the words”, and what do i know? well, i know that…