wow – for real (a throwback)

well, it’s monday, and my birthday is two days away (depending on who you ask..but you’ll read about that in a sec), and like any good party, the seven deadlies are coming out to play. so far, we’ve got three up and four to go. let’s see how things go in this best of seven series, shall we?

so far today we’ve had…

1. GREED – i’ve come up with an idea, but i need capital…so since the next lotto drawing is for a cool 50 mil, i’m gonna win. it’s on my birthday, so it’s GOTTA happen, right? and i’m not gonna share with anybody; i’m gonna use it to start my own shoe company. everything will be made right here in texas, and all shoes will be leather, and look JUST like expensive italian shoes. i got the idea the other day when i was watching full metal jacket…the drill instructor said, “i hear only steers and queers come from texas, boy” and it got me to thinking…how can i combine the two and make a profit? after some images flashed through my head that caused me to shudder for HOURS afterwards, i remembered my “sister” kathi commenting to anyone who would listen that i was the only straight man that would own prada shoes, it hit me. we have LOTS of cows, a decent sized homosexual population that ALL tend to be label whores, and the border near by. so, how can i combine the leftover leather from our beef production, fashion conscious but affordable stuff, and a slight ‘south of the border’ touch to keep it all very texas? easy…make VERY italian looking shoes, with a BURNT ORANGE stripe down the tongue and up the back of the soles, and they’ll all have the name of my company on the stripe…NADA. just for the color tie in ALONE i bet UT gives me an honorary degree….

2. SLOTH – blame it on the impending birthday, or other not-so-pleasant factors in my life, or both, but i have had no energy and have had no inspiration to do JACK lately. (not that i’d do a guy named jack, being straight and all…but i digress) i always said that you know you’re getting old when you’re birthdays no longer excite you, but rather, DEPRESS you. well, tomorrow kicks off some minor boozing AND me going to the jim rose circus side show, where two of the main attractions know me well enough to drag me on stage if they find out my birthday hits at the stroke of midnight; so we’ll see how THAT goes. if i’m not home by when the sun rises on the morning of my actual birthday, call 9-1-1.

3. VANITY – it’s not all physical, folks. i’m talking mental vanity….those who feel they’re never wrong and will argue the most RIDICULOUS of points. i call a friend who moved back to austin from dallas about three months ago; yet i STILL haven’t gotten to see her even though we’re “so close”. no biggie. schedule conflicts and all, right? but check out our phone conversation when i go to invite her to drinks for my birthday…

“hey..it’s sean. what are you doing on wednesday?”
“hey sweetie…taking my nieces out for putt-put golf. why?”
“aw, to hell with you then..me and kramer and kathi and lord knows who else are going out for drinks and such to celebrate my birthday”
“well, why don’t we try and do something this weekend, then? i mean, your birthday’s not till friday…”
“no, actually, it’s on wednesday…”
“no it’s not…your birthday’s friday….”
“um…hello? my birthday’s wednesday…”
“no, it’s not. wednesday would be the 19th…your birthday’s friday.”
“my birthday IS the nineteenth, miraya!!!”
“you know, you’re right…it’s miguel (her former room mate) who’s birthday is on friday…but like i said, i already have plans this wednesday….wanna try and do something friday?”
“sure…call me”

she won’t call. but can you BELIEVE that shit? what kind of jedi mind trick bullshit did she think she could accomplish? like all of a sudden i’m gonna say, “you’re RIGHT…maybe it IS friday….don’t i feel stupid??” whatever. looking like some people just ain’t welcome at the festivities this week. and for all of you ARE, but don’t make it, as long as you’re not calling me on friday feeling all proud, we’re all good.

like i said, three down….four to go?

Replies: 8 Comments

hey now…my mind is very rarely restrained in any way, shape, or form…guess that could be a big part of the problem, huh?

sean (why DO i write this stuff, anyway??) said @ 06/21/2002 02:23 PM GMT

that’s the story of his life, is it not?

kathi said @ 06/20/2002 05:57 PM GMT

mental straight jacket?

astrofishy said @ 06/20/2002 04:07 PM GMT

valid point…only mentioned it because you HAVE criticized me for my typos…often.

sean (as you can see, i read your comments) said @ 06/19/2002 07:14 PM GMT

if i told, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore… and who are you to talk about typos?

kathi said @ 06/19/2002 06:39 PM GMT

kathi, i’m so straight that i can actually spell the word “straight” properly in the same comment twice..do you have a secret you’re not telling the class? 😉

sean (i STILL write this stuff…when WILL i learn?) said @ 06/19/2002 06:01 PM GMT

you’re not the only straigt man that would OWN prada, you’re the only straight man who would buy himself prada! you are CERTAIN that you’re straigt, aren’t you?

kathi said @ 06/19/2002 02:07 PM GMT

“full MENTAL jacket”?