scoot on out of my way

when i was a kid my grandparents had a couple of scooters at the house we’d use to get around the neighborhood…

powered by us, no brakes, no helmet, no need. it got you from “point a” to “point b” and was less tiresome than walking, although not much faster. then came the 1980’s, and freestyle bmx, and things got stupid…

there were tricks and competitions and all the stuffs (a guy named todd harrell i grew up with was really bad ass with these), but as trend pendulums tend to swing back and forth, this gave way to simpler times come the turn of the millennium, so we went from this…

to this…

which is even simpler and smaller than what i rode as a kid. but now, the kids that grew up with those (and they were EVERYWHERE – os’s is in my studio somewhere, i’m sure) are in their 20’s and so we get this bullshit…

tourists are all over ’em in downtown austin. but two things about these disturb me, so i wanted to share…

concern one – downtown? south congress shopping district? makes total sense. i think you just swipe your card to activate and away you go. i’ve never ridden one, having a bit too much concern for my pride, dignity, and safety simultaneously. but lately i’ve seen these things in extreme north austin on highway 620. yeah, they’re on the narrow shoulder, but one of these does NOT belong on a 55mph windy, twisty, lakeside HIGHWAY. they’re not that “go anywhere”, i don’t care what the fuckin’ ads say.

concern two – don’t just stay on your road, stay in your lane. as in the bike lane. or the sidewalk. these do NOT belong in the middle of a lane of traffic. you’re not a car. i assure you. but if you’re gonna, you have to follow the rules of the road – no splitting lanes, no running lights or stop signs, you have to sit and wait and rot at the intersections just like the rest of us.

alternatively, you can experience what all vehicles going 11mph down the road do – tailgating. if you’re gonna block me with one of these things, i’m gonna be so far up your ass you can smell the hood emblem. you can tell what song i’m listening to. you’re pissed. i’m pissed. there’s no need for that. just stay in your fucking lane…literally.

i wonder where things go from here?