chop it (a flashback)

Author: sean M Published: August 2, 2002

no, this is NOT a rogaine ad…it’s about something i’d been thinking about for a long time. something that had been stuck in my head a WHILE…and now, i did it. and i’m NOT talking about a foursome with me and three hooter’s girls, unfortunately…but give me time on that one…

there was something different about that third widespread show…not just the increased security, or the dread of KNOWING the stench and scamming and bullshit was coming; no, this time the nuevo-hippies had a new line, and they used it…often. to ABSOLUTELY no avail, but they used it none the less…

“come on, man…we’re supposed to stick together…take care of one another…ya’ know, watch out for each other and shit….”

this confused me. what “we” and “us” was this fool talking about? what did this thrift-store thieving, non-bathing, ‘shroom-munching, daddy-bought-and-paid-for BITCH and i have in common? we’re both WHITE and MALE? do you think that makes us LESS powerful? LESS in control? have you ever heard of a channel called C-SPAN? watch that for a while, and you’ll see we’re FAR from downtrodden, my soap-fearing, fair (all be it dirty) skinned compadre…

but that’s not what they meant…see, the first couple of shows i wore a sleeveless shirt and my hair up in a ball cap to keep it off my neck…the last one i realized that this was making me HOTTER that day, ’cause it was a good bit warmer and the hair + hat equals two inches of head-top insulation. so, on the third show, my now trademark, down to the base of my shoulders ponytail was in effect (my hair had recently sprung out to about the length of kramer’s)

and it was my HAIR that made these people think i was one of THEM….

oh, FUCK no….

i hadn’t worn it down in ages ’cause it just wasn’t sitting right, and i always either wore it back (so the lump of the ponytail made laying down in bed to read or laying down on a bench to work out uncomfortable) or wadded up and stuffed in a ball cap (like i was a ‘closet-long-haired’ guy). so, today, wearing my widespread panic shirt (for ritualistic cleansing purposes), at 6:15 cdt, the ponytail hit the floor but my head did not. twenty-five minutes later, and my hair was roughly the length of my buddy lance’s, who unfortunately CAN’T take care of the dogs in my fifteen hour absence tomorrow (which was only supposed to be about a ten hour absence but shit got changed this afternoon and slapped my world in the ass – note, i didn’t say FUCKED my world in the ass, because unlike others, i still have my job…)

so, that’s that…no more. i DO still have the ponytail (and i don’t mean i have a ‘tail’ circa my oak tree shopping era of 1988…like the LOSER i saw in the gym yesterday…and i don’t mean i had the tail, that’s just when most people did), just not on my head..it’s on display in the studio in my house. my stylist steve (who has been the only person to cut my hair except me since the 80’s) said i clean up rather nice…and judging off some of the looks i got in barnes & noble’s afterwards, apparently the ladies agree…i mean, ricky martin cut his hair short, and look what it did for him…he gets more cock now than he EVER did. i hope to have the same level of success, just with women, of course.

but NOT tomorrow…tomorrow i work a judas priest show in SA…and judas priest + SA metal crowd + the fact that it’s 2002 and not 1985 = not enough whiskey in the state of tennessee to make me EVEN wanna touch any of that. plus, without the hair, those people won’t think i’m one of THEM, either…

good thing i clean up nice, huh?

Replies: 4 Comments

ya know, it’s the months of having it that awkward mid-length that’ll probably keep me from growing it back…that and the fact that i look dead sexy…

(did i say that last part out loud?)

sean (this space available for weddings and bar mitzvahs) said @ 08/03/2002 09:39 PM GMT

Hummmmm…I like you better with short >;)

Devil Girl said @ 08/02/2002 07:36 PM GMT

my bet is he’ll look like one of us again by next spring. boy’s got great hairmones.

astrofishy said @ 08/02/2002 05:00 AM GMT

I can’t believe you cut it off!!! I prayed that you were joking about that. That was one of the many things I love about you. Damn, now I have to find something else to love about you to fill spot #2389 on the list 🙁