good to know i’m in someone’s thoughts, i suppose? (a throwback)

this one might be a little touchy. i usually don’t worry about what i write here, or how it might effect those around me. but this one gets a little bit close to home…i won’t mention names, but it is a disturbingly common thread that kinda bugs me and i’m wondering if it’s just coincidence. since most anyone who knows me reads this (except, oddly enough, for most of the people i’m talking about today) i figure the comment section might enlighten me…

the other day i got a call at work and someone extremely close to me was having a bad day. when i asked why, a laundry list of problems and issues and concerns sprung forth. she then told me that she had set up her first therapy session for the coming week; and i don’t remember quite HOW this came into it, but she told me that I was gonna be discussed pretty early on in this process.

me? a therapy topic? should i be flattered or insulted?

i made mention of this (without dropping names) to another friend of mine who i used to go out with and she said, “that’s no surprise…when i was going through therapy you came up a whole bunch of times…”

“FUCK!!!”, i said, “here all this time i thought i ATTRACTED the mentally unstable, now i find out i create them?”

“oh no”, she replied, “you got brought up when my therapist asked if i had had any good relationships, and later when she asked if i was still in touch with any of my exes…”

that was a relief. ’cause there’s a bit of a history here.

see, if you’ve got a group of female friends inevitably one of them (or at least someone you know) seems to typically be attracted to gay guys. i call it the boy band syndrome…male without machismo, they’ve got the appendage but none of the potentially threatening characteristics that go with it, that sort of thing. well, while she was always touted as the ultimate gaydar (“hey…rebecca…think he’s cute? yep? okay, we know he’s gay…”) i started being known as the ultimate psycho detector. all based off one particular relationship where i ended up engaged, it finished up sloppily (and thankfully with no wedding) and i was one of a few guys on the planet that, when asked why i was suddenly single, could give a very common answer but in my case it was very accurate and meant very literally…

“the bitch went nuts…”

i later found out that she had been misdiagnosed and given the wrong medication (prozak) which she then had what could best be described as an allergic reaction to and everything between us got all black and swirly. we’re friends now, but it took some re-diagnosis with her and four years apart for us to get that way. but after that, and a bit of the history, i started to wonder what the hell i was doing wrong. this all echoed back in my head for the first time in years when i was told i was gonna be a “topic of discussion” in someone’s therapy earlier this week. it didn’t help that whenever the past got brought up with the ex fiance she always said, “yeah, but sean i was crazy then…i’m all better now”.

okay…so, “with me=crazy”, “away from me for an entire presidential term=healed”. again, coincidence or insult here?

i’ve checked with a couple of other girls i’ve gone out with and they say i’ve come up in their therapy. in fact, i can’t recall a significant relationship with a girl in the last few years who isn’t spending $100 an hour time on a couch now (not meant in the high-dollar hooker way; although there was one of those in the same time frame, but i never had to pay)…and most of them have said i do get brought up.

now, i’ll grant you that most say it’s just in the, “so, what did you do last weekend…” vein, but it still makes me wonder; should i just lock myself away, stop dating, and help eliminate a percentage of the mental illness in texas? or is this all just my self-critical imagination? hell, maybe i’m the one that’s crazy. guess that goes without saying, huh?

Replies: 5 Comments

Could be worse. At least I can think of more girls you’ve dated that aren’t thundering loonies than I can think of guys I’ve dated that aren’t screaming queens. Perhaps you should just start running them right to therapy on the first date?

All I can do is not date anymore.

The Ultimate Gaydar said @ 07/12/2003 09:46 AM CST

So women who wouldn’t date you (or whom you wouldn’t date, to give you the benefit of the doubt) are therefore really quite sane?

the non-capricorn redhead said @ 07/12/2003 06:35 AM CST

you know, we all took a poll, either get you into therapy or get you writing a web journal…. at least this is more entertaining than therapy… of course, one of your girlfriends asked me what we were thinking…

astrofishy said @ 07/11/2003 05:07 PM CST

my last ex was a bit nutty and I blamed myself; a year later she was much saner because she “stopped drinking coffee.”

so don’t date me and drink coffee at the same time. takes all kinds, I suppose.

el freudo said @ 07/11/2003 04:17 PM CST

a little of both babe