tiiiiiiiiiiiiin roof – rusted

we are under invasion here in central texas!

not from the southern border, as the talking heads would have you believe. no, this is an uglier threat. and it’s more centralized. and it’s growing. and the invaders look like this:

i swear i’ve seen one every day i’ve been in austin over the last week (five of the last seven days, in case you’re curious). i swear they get uglier by the day. i had seen those leaked around the interwebs for a bit before they came out, but i’d also seen this, and while the one above (which turned out frighteningly being legit) was the read deal, i’d also seen this one out online in various colors, and it seemed a bit more plausible given how the rest of their lineup looks:

but it was not to be, i suppose. instead we get the version that looks like it was designed with the most basic lego set available and then ran with. and it’s only in that grey because it’s not painted – it’s “stainless steel”. the manual for this monstrosity actually states, “To prevent damage to the exterior, immediately remove corrosive substances (such as grease, oil, bird droppings, tree resin, dead insects, tar spots, road salt, industrial fallout, etc.). Do not wait until Cybertruck is due for a complete wash. If necessary use denatured alcohol to remove tar spots and stubborn grease stains, then immediately wash the area with water and a mild, non-detergent soap to remove the alcohol.”

who can afford a car wash membership after you drop six figures on this ugly piece of shit?

fun fact – “stainless” steel can still rust and stain…it just stains LESS than other steel. that’s why it’s called “stainLESS” steel, not “stains NEVER” steel. didn’t think about that too hard before, did you? it’s because most stainless steel shit we own is appliances, and our kitchens tend to not be exposed to the elements for 95% of their lives like our vehicles do.

there is an option (apparently almost nobody took) for a version of clear coat being put on the panels for an extra several thousand dollars. and if not? towel dry early and often, apparently. one of these days people are gonna realize sometimes the easiest ideas aren’t out there for a reason…

“why has nobody built a truck out of solid stainless steel?”

this is why.