the coolest corp?

is there such a thing as a super cool product or corporation in america? if so, i might have a plan!

basically, i want the tom hanks of products. you know – something almost universally liked, respected, hell, even enjoyed!

and then let’s get it on the ballot!

there’s actually a precedent for this. there was a town in ecuador, back in 1967, that had a foot powder company do a marketing campaign that ultimately led to enough people writing in the brand for mayor (not realizing it wasn’t a legit write in candidate) to where the food powder WON THE DAMN ELECTION.

now i have never hid my disdain for the current golden orangutan party’s front runner. and i feel biden, as well, might be getting a little long in the tooth for the gig. shit, these are guys old enough that i wouldn’t loan them my car…why the fuck would we loan them the country for four years? but the two party system is pressing on with the octogenarians so maybe a good american product is what we really need! our commerce is global, our products are universally known.

only three requirements to be president – “born” in the u.s.a., lived here the last fourteen years, and at least thirty five years old. shit, that could be coca-cola, happy meals, any number of universally loved shit. i don’t see “be a human being” any where in the requirements, and with all that muddy mess around when we’re technically alive now a days (conception? birth? the bridge of the boys ii men track that got her in the mood?) who’s to say what “born” means? am i right?

let’s not mince words – nothing would rep the ACTUAL american landscape like being led by a fucking product, and honestly it can’t be worse than some of the spray-tanned mumbling alternatives. at this point, what the fuck do we have to lose?