we all gonna die (a flashback to eighteen years ago, so…)

so tonight i had to re-stock on puppy food. thanks to copper being in the kennel club during my tulsa excursion, a single twenty-pound sack took care of calum and buffi for a whole week (i remember the week i had a twenty pound sack…damn sa strippers. thank modern medicine for THAT going away…but i digress). as i was walking into heb, i decided to actually TAKE my phone inside…atypical for me, ’cause you usually can’t get a signal worth a crizzap in there…but i was on the phone with josh, so i just said, “fuck it”.

keep in mind, lockhart is pretty small, so walking around talking on my phone, which was in my pocket and not visible, while on my little ear piece, i got looked at like i was insane…since i looked as if i was talking to myself. i do that on a regular basis without a phone, but we’ll skip that discussion for now. meanwhile, a statuesque black woman walked around the store in a very nice suit and a surgical mask. “good evening, doctor…”, i said as i passed her. that drew one evil fucking look.

when i explained to josh why i had said what i said, he replied, “dude, we are kinda heading to war and all soon…” yeah, i know. and i don’t mean to make light of a potentially serious situation (so not my style, right?) but i don’t see how a surgical mask in heb does anything other than make you look REALLY stupid. who are we fighting? the folks from M*A*S*H*? (how many of my caucasian readers are still upset THAT got cancelled?)

i mean, seriously…same school of thought that said we needed duct tape and plastic sheeting. like there’s some serious biological weapon that explodes over texas skies (we are the homeland of dubyah, ya know…we’re a prime target) and the gas begins to spread…until it hits the kryptonite to the superman that is poison gas…paper infused with cotton with an elastic strap. CURSES!!! FOILED AGAIN!!!

riiiight….

ya know where i’ll be tomorrow when the hour hits and it’s shit or get off the pot time? the gym. getting fit to do battle? trying to toughen up for some hand-to-hand? nope…it’s wednesday. i ALWAYS go to the gold’s on ben white on wednesday. thursday, i’ll go to dallas to see linkin park. this weekend i’ll cash my paycheck and get drunk (and pay bills…not spending it all on booze or anything; and the way life’s treated me lately, i NEED some intoxicated time).

i’m not changing shit. if i die, i die.

i have no canned food in the house. no bottled water. no plastic sheeting or gas masks. no duct tape. wait…i AM a guy. of course i have duct tape. but i had that before. if my lack of “preparedness” means i’m one of the first to go, so be it. laugh at me then, like you already laugh at me now. see, the theme stays alive and nothing changes…just the way it should be.

Replies: 7 Comments

Larry the Cable Guy said it best:
a fight breaks out you send the fellows in to whip some ass, every 28 days send in a pack of pissed off women to whip some more ass, and when its all done you send the gay boys in to clean everything up and hang curtains everywhere

Porn Star said @ 03/19/2003 09:47 PM CST

um the rules to the draft have been changed. If there is a draft women, men and college students ARE included.

Poundcake said @ 03/19/2003 07:32 PM CST

Personally, I still think they should draft women. Let me at ’em.

the draft said @ 03/19/2003 06:57 PM CST

ahhhh…wednesday. when the shit hits the fan, i’ll be at gold’s at lincoln village doing the body flow class. what better day to see if all that deep breathing, clear your mind, all worries disappear crap really works.

topenga said @ 03/19/2003 12:39 PM CST

wasn’t the cut-off age for the last time we had a draft 25? mentally, i’m too young to be drafted, chronologically too old.

josh said @ 03/19/2003 11:04 AM CST

but wouldn’t a draft just mean that there’s a window open somewhere? oh wait…you mean that draft. pretty sure i’m in the clear on that one…

sean said @ 03/19/2003 09:23 AM CST

Fuck ya. If it comes it comes there is nothing anyone can do if an actual nuclear/biological attack comes so fuck it be yourself until something that you cant help stops you(draft, it gets 2000degrees hotter in 2 secs, world wide flood) you know big shit.