…i did a search this morning. and while there were plenty of listing that contained the words “human soul” there were no listings, at least as of 9:04am CST on january 27, 2021, for an actual human soul.
02/05/2003: “sould american”
eBay is an amazing thang, ain’t it? you can find things on there that simply don’t exist, at least for sale, anywhere else in the world. someone damn close to me pinpointed the magic of the whole eBay experience, too…ask anybody who’s acquired something off the site, and they never say they BOUGHT it. oh no. never mind the fact that they got something, and paid money for the item, plus shipping, plus the mysterious handling costs that somehow get tacked onto absolutely anything. anywhere else in the world, cyber or otherwise, if you receive goods, and give up some currency for those goods, you BOUGHT them. on eBay, you won them. you’re a winner. good for you. your folks must be so proud.
now, don’t get me wrong…i’ve been guilty of buying some stuff on the all mighty world market place. nothing too strange, you understand. but hey, the simpson toy collection isn’t gonna build itself, ya know. i’ve seen academy awards on there (as in the actual oscar statue). hummers as well (yes, that kind and THAT kind). a search for “used thong” brought up five different items this afternoon. i’ve found stuff when i’ve put in the search phrase “crack pipe”. and i know you’re not supposed to be able to get something for nothing, but nothing for something? a search for “nothing” yields over 1,700 results. but NONE of them are free. do a search for “free” and you get over 90,000 returns. hell, even “worthless” yields five things…and they’ve ALL been bid on. just think…you can WIN something worthless. brag about THAT to your friends. can you tell i occasionally have a bit of down time at the old salt mine?
the best one, in my opinion, was the guy that offered a good ol’ fashioned ass whoopin’…complete with all the legal mumbo-jumbo such a deal would entail these days. that one was TOO fucking classic. i always wondered if all parties went through with it, or felt they got their money’s worth. oddly enough, the winner did NOT post feedback in the guys seller profile. but he must be doing something right…he was only a “5” when he posted it, and he’s at “141” now…that kicks my rating of “119” in the ass, don’t it?
2021 note – i’m now, eighteen years later, at a 1048
this all started, oddly enough, when our tech support line guy was asking me about paypal…and said he had an idea. he was gonna put his SOUL up for sale on eBay. he had plans to start bidding at $1,000,000. i pointed out to him that if he DID get a bid, and the guy stiffed him, or better still, BOUNCED A CHECK, that that was the ULTIMATE karmic fuck-up…to try and get someone’s soul is bad enough…but to stiff out on payment? they’re gonna NEED a new soul after that one.
plus, the thought of selling your soul on eBay? pretty sick, huh? but this IS a sick world. and someone beat his ass to it. and the opening bid is lower. so, who wants to own someone for REAL? and just when you thought it was safe to point and click…plus, the soul seller takes PAYPAL!!!