the title of this can be read two ways (a tuesday toss back)

when you read it the title above makes more sense…

08/02/2005: “hang up and shit”

this one might be going off a bit into “TMI Land”…

…but deal with it.

(and i might seem a bit hypocritical at one point in this, but hang for a sec and you’ll see i’m not)

so, with all the warning verbiage neatly in place, let’s move on:

i call it the arcade.

‘ya see, when nature comes a’ callin’ on line number two (if you know what i’m saying and i think you do) and i happen to be at my place of employment, there are occasions when i don’t have something to read. in these instances i take my phone with me (mobile, that is – not office) because i have a couple of classic video games on it (frogger, dig dug) and when one of my co-workers saw me heading that way, phone in hand, i had to explain myself.

hence they know where i’ll be when i say, “i’ll be in the arcade for a bit…”.

i keep it in silent mode, so there’s no little blips and bleeps, and i don’t even have vibrate on since that is a part of all the games and i don’t want the little fucker to vibrate right out of my hands. and while i have had a call or two come in when i’ve been in there (no names mentioned) i never answer it. i just let the call roll to voicemail and it goes back into my game, which puts itself on pause when the call comes through. then i just call the person back later…when i’m done handling my business, as it were.

so, imagine my shock when i’m mid way through level two on frogger and i hear “naughty girl” bumping from the stall next to me, and then a guy’s voice say, “hey baby, what’s up?”

you have got to be fucking kidding me…

i don’t care who you are, what you are to me, or how much i owe you in lives or cash, you do NOT need to reach me when i’m on the crapper. i don’t see who the fuck needs to be that accessible. i mean, honestly – unless you’re an expectant father, than i MIGHT let it slide…

…and with “naughty girl” as the ring, maybe he is. at least you know he’s probably practicing at it.

now, i have been guilty of doing this at home, i will admit. my home has concrete floors – unless i’m in the studio (which has to be more acoustically dead for obvious reasons) that bathroom echo is pretty much house wide in my place – nobody is usually the wiser. plus, i don’t have to worry about someone else flushing in the stall next to me and blowing my cover. by and large, however, if the fate at the nation* is not at hand, it probably doesn’t need to happen – even in the privacy of my own home. it’s just that after the fourth call in five minutes (again, no names mentioned), you just answer the damn thing regardless of where you are and skirt the intro, “hey – what are you doing?”, question…

(*noted as an LBJ reference – he used to make his aids stand outside the john while he took care of personal business and would dictate memos and hold meetings and such. for the record, this is NOT a texas thing…)

…but again, i digress.

and then today, when i was just answering nature’s call on line one, this guy came in ALREADY on the phone…

…does the phrase, “let me call you right back” no exist in these people’s world?

again, talking to the girlfriend. i didn’t check the shoes on the guy (the only method of i.d. from the day before) but it might have been the naughty girl on line two while nature called on line one for him.

wouldn’t surprise me at all.

and it was really funny watching this guy (who, like me, ain’t too long in the neck category) attempt to balance his phone on his shoulder while he undid his belt and such. i’m sorry, but in less you are saying something to the effect of, “take it bitch”, or “suck it, baby” or something along those lines, there is really no reason you need to speak to your woman while holding your dick. period.

(and that was not meant to be sexist – ‘because all the other occasions, like where a guy writes in the snow and yells, “hey – watch this” to you you would rather not deal with anyway, so i just saved you the hassle with that statement, right?)

the bottom line is just because you can be reached everywhere, doesn’t mean you need to be reached anywhere…

…and that ends my etiquette lesson for today. the next one will be entitled, “shave your shit” – and it’s not more potty stuff. we’ll talk about that later…

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