i used to be an asshole (a sunday slide back that might still be accurate?)

by sean ~ August 27th, 2003. Filed under: Uncategorized.

i’m an asshole…

now wait, let me finish. i am. it’s true. there are a few people (none of which will probably hit the comments section to dissuade my confession) that will tell you i’m a nice guy. on the outside, that may be true for the most part. but inside, i’m the most obnoxious, self-centered, egocentric prick i know. and occasionally (typically with booze consumption) my brain goes, “okay…you’re gonna kill THIS much of me THIS quickly? i’ll show you…i’m taking away my filter between me and your mouth – good luck!”

and that’s where things get ugly.

here’s your hump-day six pack; six things i’ve said to women, in varying levels of intoxication, that prove the first three words of this entry over and over again…

1. ”you’re not much of a cryer, are you?” **intox on a scale of 1 to 10: 8**

(said on my way to go deliver some rather unpleasant news. i had to be REMINDED i had said this later)

2. ”it’s more scared of you then you are of it” **intox…: 0**

(yep…sober on this one…said in reference to a certain multiply-pierced area of my anatomy a woman said “scared her”)

3. ”i figured you’d at LEAST have a nice personality…” **intox…: 3**

(we all know what that was hinting at, don’t we? she never returned my calls afterwards. of course, kinda hard to return calls that were never placed, i suppose…)

4. ”call me back or me and (another girl) are going to the strip club without you and you won’t see me till next wednesday…” **intox…: 6**

(this was actually the same night as the first one, but to a different person…that was one messy evening)

5. ”yeah, but ya’ need to eat as well…and since i’m not gonna cook for ya, why tease you with part of the equation?” **intox…: 3**

(my response to a girl’s “pick up” line (??), “big girls need love, too”)

and of course…

6. ”no, honey…it’s not the JEANS that make your ass look fat…” **intox…: 1, 2, 3, 4…**