bore dumb (a CoVid Chronicles Flashback)

easy money. that’s what a guy i used to work with would call days like i’ve had lately. those dull-ass days where things are so slow that you almost have to CREATE tasks for yourself. i know lots of people who NEVER have days like this…

i envy those people.

this kinda shit drives me NUTS. nothing to do. nothing to say. there are warning signs your day is like this…

1. more than once in a day you start a sentence with something to the effect of, “then, when we were in the sixth grade…”

2. you have constructed a paperclip chain that could encircle a 1970 cadillac coupe de ville.

3. you check your email more than five times in a fifteen minute period.

4. when your boss asks you, “do you need something to do?”, you answer, “as a matter of fact, yeah…” but he just shrugs his shoulders at your answer and walks away…

5. you actually answer one of those “foreign” emails that’s begging you to offer exile to some former dictator’s kid’s money.

6. the heated debate over who should have won american idol almost results in a fist fight.

7. the highlight of your day is when you almost electrocute yourself taking a monitor apart.

8. you clean the fridge in the break room “just because”

9. your desk becomes a gangland war zone when the homies from the top of your monitor battle the mijos from the top of the other guy’s monitor.

10. four simple words: rubber band battle royale.

the kind of work day that bill hicks lamented in his routine about work boredom:

your boss comes in and says, ‘why aren’t you working?’ and you respond with, ’cause there’s nothing to do…’ and then HE says, ‘well, why don’t you PRETEND you’re working.’

‘what? i don’t get paid enough to use my imagination…why don’t you fantasize? tell ya what…how ’bout we pretend i’m the boss…now you’re fired…how do you like that?

yep…one of THOSE kinda days. but at least it’s over in five…four…three…two…

Replies: 9 Comments

EZ MONEY! My favorite. I was just at that place and there was NOTHIN going on. I can vouch for Sean on Numbers 1 and 10. The rest seem particularly modern.

toothy said @ 05/28/2003 05:41 PM CST

hey…”big daddy”…editing features are fun on these things, aren’t they?

sean said @ 05/27/2003 04:57 PM CST

WHO needs to get a life?? Gawd DAMN!!

g. said @ 05/27/2003 10:27 AM CST

Cranky Amy needs to get a life
My daughter is a two bit whore.
Why she was soo drunk once she even came on to me!
I stopped here after she blew me first, incest is best.
Anyways, I hope the bitch gets a life and stops complaining about every little thing in the world.
HOLY SHIT, WHAT A CRY BABY BITCH!!!

Cranky Amy’s Big Daddy (with the small cock) said @ 05/27/2003 08:53 AM CST

I don’t get what all the fuss is about with American Idol. I never saw a single episode.

However, I have cleaned that fridge. I wanna know something. Why don’t people clean up after themselves? Do I look like their mother? NO!

Da Goddess said @ 05/27/2003 12:14 AM CST

I didn’t know you worked for my boss, greg. I thought I was the only one… (And, for the record, I’ve been begging him for tasks for three days.)

kathi said @ 05/23/2003 01:05 PM CST

I’d hate having nothing to do, but it’s weird when you nobody tells you what to do; and if you don’t motivate yourself you’ll be humiliated and beaten in public every other week.

greg said @ 05/23/2003 11:02 AM CST

when they found me asleep at the desk, they called 9-1-1, fearing I’d had a heart attack or something….

astrofishy said @ 05/22/2003 08:35 PM CST

So I was telling my boss about today’s astrowhore, and that I would probably be better if I would just go to the bar instead… so he gave me a fifty and ordered me to drink until I felt like stopping…