well that’s no way to kick off a saturday

keep in mind the irony here…

…this bit is being posted on most of YOUR saturdays – but it’s about MY saturday, which most of you know as “tuesday”.

yesterday i was cleaning some crap off the dining room table (i like to neaten up before i pull the bulk of my hours on the weekend so the ufc doesn’t have to deal with my clutter EVERYWHERE) when i found a post card reminding me of my “civic duty”.

that’s right, bitches – fucking jury duty.

i’ve had some where i’ve had to sit all day. i’ve had some where i’ve been dismissed. i was once dismissed due to poverty – i told the judge, in open court, that i couldn’t viably afford to miss work and not get paid for those days. and it wasn’t bullshit – at that stage of my life my finances were that delicately balanced. he pulled me up to the bench and said, “do you think you’re distraught enough to not make a good decision but rather try to just get out of here as soon as possible?” my response was, “yes…but doesn’t everybody really wanna get out of here as soon as possible?” he just smiled and said, “dismissed”.

i was once released for enthusiastically congratulating the defense attorney on “following in his dad’s footsteps” since his dad was a judge and we had grown up together, even hanging out in high school band (that was all true, by the way).

the only time i’ve made it through the lunch break i got out by, on record, calling the defendant a “pussy” for dragging the matter into court in the first place. as the case was over ten years ago and we’re past the statute of limitations for revealing this shit (although honestly i think i wrote a whore bit about it that day) a guy had fucked another guy’s wife, and he found out about it, so he went into a bar whereupon he saw the wife fucker and chin checked him. the wife fucker took him to court for it.

that’s bullshit – and i said so. in those exact words.

i said the guy shoulda just swung back and called it good, not do the “pussy move” of getting the law involved.

the judge and both lawyers felt i should probably go.

the next time it got cancelled, and the time after that i got out on the legit excuse that i was the caregiver to a child under twelve during the day…and the day AFTER that there was an ice storm and school was delayed till 10:30, which i couldn’t have done had i been sitting in court, so i felt i was vindicated on that one.

but not i gotta start MY saturday at the fucking caldwell county justice center. and just like the last time, it’s supposed to be in the forties and pissing down rain. what sucks worse is if i DON’T get out of it i miss a tattoo appointment the next day, and i can’t let THAT happen. so time to be one seriously opinionated asshole again – so out of character for me, right?