sunday’s sheriffs suck slapback

i am REALLY digging kimberly – the porn star in training’s new porno pad. it comes complete with ol’ school hot tub in the master bath, plus dual shower heads and mirrored wall in the master bed room…and out back a pool and a bad-ass grill (and buford, the wonder basset). the whole thing just DRIPS of 70’s swank, and if it didn’t get any better from there, it’s just off the loop and pat booker making it damn near the easiest place to get to in SA for me, with the exception of the forum, which is where we had dinner and drink (note the lack of an “s” on that last word – still saving up for my birthday festivities tuesday-wednesday…though that one margarita was pretty large and pretty strong).

as usual, she and i get to talking about life, family, our love lives (or lack thereof), etc, etc, etc…and combined with the fact i’ve NEVER shown up to go out with this girl and had the evening take off as scheduled, i was finally heading back this way around 10:30 or so; but sailing along up to “pinball alley” (as i’ve dubbed the ever-present new braunfels construction zone) at a far from conservative 85 mph.

then i hit the wall…

of traffic.

(remember, i DID only have one drink, folks…relax)

but they had I35 shut down to one lane, and even on a sunday night at 11:00 pm that creates QUITE a backup on a road that major. so i, like so many ahead of me, jumped off the interstate at the next off ramp to roll up the frontage road.

now, for those of you who DON’T do this, realize there ARE dual motives for doing so. it’s not just to pass those who stay on the highway, and it’s not like we’re “cheating”. but when the main thoroughfare is cut down to one lane, if some of us hop on the frontage it eases the back up that much more and essentially turns it BACK into two lanes, it’s just some of us will have to deal with lights and four-way stops and shit. in my eyes, it’s always HELPED the flow of traffic. that is NOT, however, the view of the comal county sheriff’s office, apparently.

right over the hill from where we all jumped off, two of those lil’ badge toting sons of bitches had a ROAD BLOCK set up right at an on-ramp and were forcing all of the frontage traffic (including those who had never been on the interstate in the first place) BACK onto i35 and into the one-lane parking lot that was backed up for miles in the middle of the night. so, no more than ninety SECONDS after we all try and be helpful and ease the interstate pressure, we’re all back in the shit again.

you try and be nice. you try and be courteous. and there’s the man, with his badge, saying *emulates game-show buzzer noize* “eeeeeggghhhhh….soooo sorry folks, but thank you for playing. deputy sam, tell them about their parting gifts….”

*zaps into mega-cheesy announcer mode*

“thanks, sheriff bubba…..well, folks, you get an NO expense paid tour of picturesque NEW BRAUNFELS BY THE INTERSTATE….fuck the historic district, fuck the antique shops, and fuck nearby greune. you get to see everything else….wal-mart…target…..arby’s…k-mart. and you get to see it all….ONE CAR LENGTH AT A TIME…at the snail’s pace of FIVE miles per hour…and all for the next SIX DAYS!!!!!!”