and twice on hump day (huffin’ brake cleaner and worshiping meteorologists)

been a while since we did two lil’ hump day bits…

…so here goes:

not worth the discount?

whenever i need to do car shit i tend to by my fluids at wal-mart. it tends to be cheaper, and inevitably we need something else for the house, so i’ll end up getting body wash, fuel injector cleaner, and bananas or some such odd list, and i prefer to do self-check-out.

until we get to the sea foam fuel injector cleaner. then all of a sudden i need approval.

’cause apparently it’s “huffable”.

i hate to break it to the current generation, but this is nothing new. my buddy john mark went to rehab and found out he could get high injecting gasoline into his tongue. now, he never TRIED it, i should quickly note (he’s always been afraid of needles, let alone one going in his tongue) but it’s the one lesson he walked away from rehab remembering…and that was in 1989.

so you kids didn’t invent this shit, you just made it easier.

but seriously – i can buy this shit at autozone for a couple bucks more without issue (although, granted, they’re ringing me up) but today was brake cleaner, which has to go back ’cause i already had some, and BEEP – APPROVAL NEEDED so i’ve taken to telling them i don’t huff it, but rather use it to cut with my meth cooking, and “…nobody’s gone blind or insane yet, so no harm no foul, right?”

they don’t find that nearly as amusing as me…

storm stars 2015

“fuck you and your little fucking desk, this is my time to shine!”

i bet that’s what every fucking meteorologist is thinking around texas these days. my lovely wife pointed this out recently…thanks to our crazy-ass weather (is it nature or the gubmint weakening us for jade helm 2015? you decide)that’s what we all watch the news for these days. fuck the traffic and the playoffs – what’s flooding and when does it stop? and you know the weather folks are just TAUNTING the fucking news desk folks at this point…

“don’t even try to talk about the top story tonight, bitches…just pan camera two over to me – it’s my time to shine!!! fuck you and your peabody and your desk and your perfect hair – now they’re watching for ME, motherfucker!!!”

and they’re right. nice to see ’em get their moment in the sun, as it were…