fuck your dead boyfriend…literally!

it’s always been said that necessity is the mother of invention…

…we don’t want to get our fat, lazy asses off the couch so we invent the remote control. we have the urge to talk to somebody that ain’t even there, so we invent the telephone. we decide we need to get from “point a” to “point b” quicker, and do it with booming bass and twenty inch chrome rims, so we invent the automobile…and we decide we want to talk to somebody that ain’t even there while we do it, so we invent the mobile phone…

…it’s all a rich tapestry.

so why some freaky dutch motherfucker felt somebody NEEDED to shove grandpa’s ashes up their ash-hole is beyond me, but here we are:

dildo urn

yes, virginia, that clear part up front is designed to hold the ashes of a departed loved one…and i guess the heart on the end is to remind you that they loved you while you lube it up and slide it somewhere…um…lovely? the inventor says the idea was inspired by a combination of an article he was reading about “widows, taboos, and sex” and an elderly neighbor he helps with her groceries who has her dead husbands ashes in an urn by the window of her home. inspiration can sometimes inspire in unexpected ways, i suppose. but this puppy doesn’t travel alone:


it comes as part of a “boxed set”, as it were, named “twenty-one grams” (the purported weight of the human soul before said findings were dismissed by the scientific community, known for being a somewhat soulless bunch) locked with a gold-plated brass key (keep it classy!) that can be worn as a pendant. the very dutch-design looking grey box also contains a diffuser for spraying a scent that reminds you of the departed, as well as a memory drawer for other keepsakes and a built in iphone/ipod amp to play music that reminds you of them because, let’s face it, it’s all about the mood and ambiance in these situations…spray a little drakkar, turn up the tunes, grab the urn, and go fuck yourself…quite literally.

since it’s dutch we all know where it will end up if this fucker ever gets sold to the public…i wonder what ikea will name it?

(in accordance with the wishes of the designer of this product, mark sturkenboom, i never used the phrase “sex toy” nor the word “dildo” anywhere in this article…)

1 comment… add one
  • Shane May 3, 2015 @ 0:27

    Saw that, I thought it was a chance to say “Fuck you one last time!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Next post:

Previous post: