bending apples, crushing grapes

i’ve had a mechanically annoying morning bmw-wise, so let’s start with a cartoon like movies used to…

i’ve never gotten skinny jeans…and i mean that in two senses of the phrase: i’ve never “gotten” them, in the sense that i’ve never purchased a pair, and i’ve never “gotten” them, in the sense that i don’t get the point. how did it become a thing to wear jeans it looked like you bummed off your little sister?

the ufb brought a recent article about these to my attention because it seems wearers of said “pants” are having a problem with their new iphones bending under the stress and strain of being wedged into the pockets that are already full with the wearer.

i say said phones would have died of shame regardless, but that’s me.

the article also goes on to state that in addition to killing the iphone, it also can cause fungal infections (ick) and lead to reproduction issues due to twisted testiles (ouch) and low sperm count ’cause things are kept a bit warm down there with those…and to that latter bit, i say “bravo!”. i feel like the type of guy who would go out in public in pants like this doesn’t need to churn out offspring that could make the same levels of poor decisions…i mean, it does say something when your jeans are so tight that not only can you not bend over to tie your shoes, but you can’t even pull them all the way up so they just have to stop where they stop…

so, um, yeah…this guy might not be able to have kids? that’s not a problem – that’s darwinism. and long may it reign!