iOS 1 (so it begins)

no, this isn’t a bit about apple operating systems…

…but on the up side, it’s also not a CRITIQUE of apple operating systems, so i won’t get those “you suck” texts from kramer at 3am. so at least there’s that.

no, this was intended to stand for “i’m OLD & shit” but while making breakfast this morning i realized it could just as easily stand for “interesting old shit”. it’s kind of the result of the perfect storm, honestly.

you see, this month the ufc moves in…so most of my time needs to be spent prepping my house so she has room for her shit. plus i’ve got a few other projects i need to focus on (including new graphics for the simulcast launch of and so between that and giving budnik some time with me through all this something had to get pushed to the side…

…and that would be my whore time.

but it’s not like i don’t want to keep my “shit to read every forty-eight hours” promise and then it hit me – while cleaning the office i DID find that disc with a tremendous amount of old shit that hasn’t seen the light of day in over a decade, so we’ll be all green and shit and recycle some of that stuff.

yes, it’s being “green”. not “lazy”. i promise.

while the bits will be old the intros will be new (although not nearly as long as this one) and sundays probably won’t be sixers while we do this, which i plan to ride out till my birthday (juneteenth, of course).

so, without further ado, here’s the first one, which ironically highlights a struggle i’ve had forever – my weight (another thing i don’t really get to focus on over the next month or so)…this was interestingly enough written a month or two before i dropped fifty pounds in a summer:

04/17/2003: “eat a brisket, twig boy”

last night i decided to pre-vacation weekend splurge and have a good post-workout meal, so i went to apple bee’s. not the best call, but since my service sucked i had plenty of time to read. and for some reason, my ex-fiancee (who moved out of my house over four years ago) started simultaneously getting details, razor, and latina every month…sent to my address. at least i enjoy reading two outta three, right? if only i could swap that last one for maxim por los hombres…the women are SO much hotter in the latin version. sure, i can’t read shit…but who the fuck cares? i’m off subject here…

i read something in details that freaked me out. a condition i guess COULD be possible, but i never figured it would be…and it’s called manorexia. as in MEN with anorexia. i am SO confused by this. not so much that a guy could have self-esteem issues or whatever to where this would be possible. more surprised at karl lagerfeld. okay, yet MORE suprised that he’s still got enough celeb street cred to be quoted on something and seen as a reasonable trend barometer. apparently karl has whittled (get it? twig boy? whittled?) himself down to 93 pounds eating nothing but fish and HORSE meat.

yes, horse meat. karl…peta on line one…and they sound PISSED. the american quarterhorse society is still holding on two. but that’s not what disturbed me. you wanna eat a horse? as long as it’s not in the sexual way, i say go for it. but his quote that was in the article…

“muscles are out; bones are in…”

is what really disturbed me. is he serious? do all you ladies really want a man you can snap in two like a …well…twig? i am SO screwed if this trend is for real. i could cut off all four limbs and my head and STILL weigh in the triple digits…and i’m in reasonably good shape. so just in time for so many people to kick heroin that i know the junkie look becomes fashionable for guys?

i don’t buy it. and until i see girl’s dorm rooms with posters of that lyle lovett looking kid from road trip and the new guy, i ain’t gonna…

guys are supposed to be protectors. hunters. manly. how the fuck can you be all that AND be so skinny that a hard sneeze cracks a rib. i think i’ll stick to my size, thank you. 51″ chest and a 37″ waist…though i wouldn’t mind lowering that last number a bit. (2014 note – i lowered it in the writing…i was closer to forty or forty-two at this point) and if you ladies just want some guy who looks like a mic stand, guess it’ll be a hot AND cold summer for the kid here…of course, that would be different from the way things have been lately HOW, exactly? screw this…i’m heading outta town for easter weekend. just ’cause i don’t go to church doesn’t mean i can’t enjoy the holidays, right? and we all know the break would do me good. see y’all monday…

and, for the first of several times, off to florida i went.

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