sooooo not down with the brown (my shittiest readers poll)

let’s talk shit for a second…

…and i don’t mean dog on people.

i mean literally discuss excrement.

half of you just tuned out…and i don’t blame you. who the fuck needs to talk about turds? seriously. i’ll tell you who – my co-workers. one thing i’ve learned about tattoo shop folk; absolutely nothing is off limits for debate or discussion in the shop. all those emails you get that say “NSFW” (which stands for “Not Safe For Work”) because of graphic content? yeah, i typically reply with “did you forget where i ‘W’? everything’s safe here!”.

the nice thing is if the topic du joir bugs me i can walk away. not that i ever get offended – i’m convinced that’s almost impossible (animal cruelty videos where a dog gets hurt or killed will do it, though). but sometimes it’s just learning things and co-worker bonding on a level that i honestly have no interest in achieving…and so it went the other night when the topic of discussion turned south:

when was the last time you shit yourself?

i wish i was making that up, but i’m not. two grown folks, average age in the thirties, discussing the last time they shit their pants…as in thought it was just a fart, but it wasn’t. more surprisingly was the fact that they’d each done it in 2013…and seemed kind of shocked i hadn’t.

are you shitting me? (yeah, that was on purpose)

i couldn’t believe i was actually thought to be a liar when i said that i hadn’t had “an accident” as far back as i could recall…or that i was stuck in the discussion due to the fact i was being tattooed in the room so outside of the artist working on me i was the only one kind of trapped here. so i started asking around; and thankfully it turns out, after asking ten folks (the things i do to research for bits) i found out i am NOT in the minority here…at least in theory.

i had to add that last part because after the relief i felt (again, on purpose) at hearing that most adults don’t tend to crap their drawers (ZERO out of ten said this happened to them in 2013) i brought it up to these co-workers, only to be told that all those people were full of shit (okay, i’ll stop) and that the people i asked just didn’t want to own up to it.

what a load of crap!

(okay, now i actually will stop – not proud of myself for ending like that)