summer slim down bit

this bit came off FB, it wasn’t really my own…

…lemme explain.

a friend on there who i’ve never actually met, who used to live here in lockhart and now lives god knows where, is a travel agent. she put a post on her page that told you to go to google maps, put in “china” as your origination and “taiwan” as your destination and look at step 45 or some such shit which gave you directions to “swim accross the pacific ocean”. i don’t recall the distance, but it was more than you’d WANT to swim, albeit not impossible.

(for all curious those are her boobs on the “mail me” link with the obscenity in the cleavage, but that’s a whole different story – she sent me the pic to be her photo id for when she’d text me weird random crap after i told her i’d have to meet her to get a picture id of her flipping me off, which is everybody’s id, and when she said she didn’t want her face in it i told her girls also have to boob option, hence…)

so JAB then posted that if we thought that was funny we should put our origination as LA (as in “Los Angeles, California” – not “LA” as short for “Louisiana” or “Lower Alabama”, i.e. “The Redneck Riviera” or, more commonly, the surf and resort parts of the upper part of Florida around Pensicola and shit) and he was right – it upped the funny, as you can see in this screen shot:

your kayaking quite a distance there (fuck, at least they didn’t say to “swim” it, so they’re getting more realistic, i suppose) than hauling your kayak across hawaii, than back in the swim for another marathon where apparently you’re supposed to read as you row ’cause you’ll notice all of a sudden you make landfall and the directions are no longer in english.

so, if you’ve got a boat, some time to kill, and know mandarin as a second language you can no longer say you have no idea what to do with your summer vacation – your plans have been laid out by me 7 JAB…go forth and conquer!

(oh…and buy me a shot glass as a souvenir…)