remember the alamo…and the condoms!

memorial day – it’s not just about the military any more!

or mattress or car sales…it’s a family day filled with cookouts and kids and shit.

and some folks need to be shied away from fire…others from pussy. some from both. but let’s focus on that middle group – i found myself doling out advice on a guy’s kid this weekend. i DID preface the conversation by saying, “i don’t have kids, i’ll never have my OWN kids, and i’ve never actually raised kids, so take that into account, but…”.

i felt that made it fair.

while i’ve never had kids, i know bad parenting when i see it. in the spirit of that, let’s look at six parents that should have been neutered:

1. as chris rock said, your goal if you have a daughter should be to keep her off the pole. all kids are different, though. some learn by watching:

(i tried to make the highlight a heart shape since she’s lovingly in her daddy’s arms)

2. other girls don’t just watch, but learn by doing:

(does anybody remember the kid’s pole dancing kit i put up here back in the day?)

3. and some girls will be lucky if they live long enough to even audition at the local titty bar:

4. and since these are in no particular order, and the first three were girls, i should point out some boys might not make it to see the girls ON the pole:

5. and even if they do make it to be that old, they might not remember it:

6. but rest assured, the kids will be all right, ’cause mamma taught ’em how to act around a lady:

(that is a lady he’s feelin’ up on, right?)

like i said, REALLY feel some people have no business having kids…