just twelve more steps to go (DO NOT POST THIS)

you went to subway for a turkey sub for lunch today?

…does anybody give a shit?

NO – so why did you have to post it on facebook? seven minutes after your post about “going to lunch!”, and forty-five minutes prior to your “back at my desk” post.

this shit has gotten out of hand. my best guess on this is the andy warhol principle of everybody being famous for fifteen minutes…it’s just that people are grabbing it by the nano-second letting me know they had to run timmy to the doctor for shots today.

i don’t give a fuck he hates shots. to show i’m not totally heartless, if he dies, let me know. i’ll send a ham. moving on…

…there was an article in a recent maxim about a rehab for video game junkies. mentioned towards the tail end that the same place cured people of their addiction to social sites – as it’s easter, and that twelve-step bullshit is religious based, i figured i would take my stab at converting the traditional AA cross-kissing twelve steps into a FB-addiction kiss goodbye plan.

but as that would require a double-length bit, and i feel like i’ve been overly wordy lately, i decided it would instead be more fun to do a bit entitled…

six signs you need a twelve step program to kick your facebook addiction

6. you do step one (admitting you have a problem) by POSTING it on your FB profile.

5. your friend dies on mafia wars and you send his real-life spouse a sympathy card.

4. you view people who put “it’s complicated” as their relationship status as having a fear of commitment.

3. you practically shed a tear when nobody comments about (or clicks that they “like”) your latest status update.

2. you’ve checked your FB page four times between getting to work and lunch, but haven’t actually used your phone to make a call in six days.

1. you update your status (or post a link) and then immediately TEXT me to “check out my FB update!”