protect? serve? (part iii – the final chapter?)

to save all the drama of you skimming this to see if i passed or failed the physical test for SAPD academy, as i predicted, the run kicked my ass…

…so i can now RE-test on june 13th, which i may or may not do.

i had my reservations on this whole thing when i first got to the academy. why? because the whole reason this plan seemed realistic was based on the fact that main police plaza is around the same distance as kramer’s, which is in downtown SA, and i allow ninety minutes to get there when i drive down, usually arriving fifteen minutes or so early – this would make it only fifteen minutes further than my last job, so it didn’t seem that big a deal.

the police academy, by stark contrast, is NOT downtown. it is, in fact, on the far southeast side of town, and clocked out at 78.4 miles from my driveway to their driveway ONE WAY. that’s over thirty miles MORE than my last commute each way, which is just a bit too much for me. add to that the conversation i had with some of the detectives who told me the current screening group was slated to start the academy (and hence only then start getting paid) in late september, but it looked like it might be pushed till october. i’ve already been out of work since february – thankfully, so far, my mortgage company has been pretty cool, but i don’t see them being THAT cool. at this point i’m thinking find a job or three for now that’ll get me caught up, and see if i can get in on the next police academy in austin.

we’ll see how i feel in two weeks.

this bit is being written at around 8am on sunday, may 31st, the day AFTER the physical test (i wanted to see how sore i was, and surprisingly i wasn’t) – and as i didn’t sign an NDA i figure i can tell y’all what happened.

arrival was set for 1pm and i got there at 12:45 (and left my house at 11am with next to no traffic – so the commute clocked in at almost DOUBLE my last one…a big “fuck this” factor). the first hour or so you fill out an exhausting form where you not only give the basics (name, phone, address, email, etc) but also you have to list EVERY ticket you’ve ever received, every accident, every criminal offense, and the last time you’d used any drug off a laundry list of substances.

it was hard to remember ALL tickets and accidents since i’ve been driving for more than twenty years – no arrests, and i put down the last time i smoked weed ’cause i figured lying about it was pointless…plus looking at me, with the shaved head, goatee, and all the ink there was no way i could say “nada” all the way down the board and have them buy it…plus, it was weed. that’s not even real drugs, right? no need to lie on the tickets and accidents ’cause, well, they ARE the police…they can check.

this seemed (at least to me) somewhat just informative for them, but then you noticed them calling people into the hall, and then you’d see those people walking across the parking lot. apparently a LOT of people with some questionable habits (regular drug use, multiple DWI’s, beating down cops (not kidding on that last one, believe it or not)) think they can become cops. most of those guys were asked to leave…then it was time to get physical.

first test – sit ups. for my gender (male) and age group (i’ll be thirty-eight in three weeks) you had to do thirty-two in sixty seconds. i barely made the cut with thirty-four, which surprised me. i do the ab machine at the gym every day i’m in there. i do crunches at the house on my off gym days. but there is a BIG difference between military-grade sit ups (elbows MUST touch knees, and god forfuckinbid you unlace your fingers behind your head) and crunches. but fuck it, i made it. as i said to my “D” in college algebra – “D” is for “DONE”.

second test – push ups. again, military-grade – hands shoulder width, toes together, back flat, butt down, and you had to drop low enough to touch the fist of the person counting you, which was pinky down on the ground. for my gender and age group you had to do something in the high twenties or low thirties in sixty seconds. i did fifty-one, which just goes to show the girls who date me and like my chest may have something there…

…moving on.

third test – the run. one and a half miles in fourteen minutes, eight seconds. this didn’t seem like THAT brisk a clip, although discussing this with JAB over dinner afterward he disagreed. here’s how i break down the blame for my 17 and a half minute time…

90% sean fuck up – i kept MEANING to go jogging, it just never happened, because as i PREVIOUSLY mentioned i don’t run for fun nor understand people who do. i did the treadmill, i did the elliptical, but that clearly doesn’t do shit. this thing ate me for lunch, which i didn’t eat, which probably didn’t help.

10% SAPD – you get there at 1pm, and for the first three hours your inside where it’s so brisk i didn’t sweat a drop during any of the previous tests…then at 4:00pm they throw you outside on hot asphalt, where the AMBIENT temperature was close to 100, and i gotta figure pave temp was closer to 110.

so, yeah, i sucked ass and now have the motivation to try and start jogging.

the re-test is june 13th, and while i was proud i didn’t just walk off the run course when i realized i wouldn’t make it as quite a few did, given mileage and start date this might be pointless. i’ll see how i feel in two weeks…as i said, i waited till sunday morning to write this (and monday afternoon to edit, which it might surprise some of y’all i do) figuring i would be in a SHIT TON of pain from the run and i was fine, so we’ll see…