broke, lonely, and bummed…but at least a magnum ain’t too loose on me!

Author: Published: January 15, 2009 0 comments

i was SO gonna do a bit about the $700 i don’t have to do the car repair i was told today i needed to have done…

…or some generic rambling about being single, alone, and what not after the holidays (still), broke as hell due to slumping sales (thanks economic downturn), impending unemployment, or my chronic depression of late…but instead i’ll just share some funny-ass shit la tina sent me:

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t disguise your Voice !

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ‘For Marijuana’

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is ‘To Go’.

9. Sing Along At The Opera.

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won! I Won!’

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

(i tried that last one on tuesday – for all who care, i’m kinda banned for life from walgreen’s since when they responded “we don’t have one”, i decided…well…you get the idea)

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