panic day

i did see a card i thought summed up today nicely…

…it was in the section marked “anti-valentines day cards”.

it showed a little kid, probably around ten, in a 1977-era photo, holding out a big home made valentine. below the pic it said, “the next day little timmy got his heart broken” – and on the inside in child-like print it said “valentine’s day sucks!”.


i’m not even SINGLE and i feel that way. i’ve had a couple of my female friends ask me what they should get their guy. i told them all the same thing, but none of them listened:

nothing…it really doesn’t matter. this isn’t our holiday…this is y’all’s holiday.

for us, you don’t need to get anything. romantic gift for a guy? doesn’t really exist – and it’s kinda uncomfortable for most to receive. just enjoy a nice dinner, have sex with us, and let us crash out in peace – and all is well. no purchase required.

we had it ruined for us, as i said previously, by a pretty girl somewhere along the line.

note that i use the word “girl” instead of the word “woman”. it’s cause i’m referring to a minor here, folks.

(at this point i would like to add that neither i nor the sponsors of condone, endorse, or recommend any sort of romantic or sexual relation ship with anyone under the age of eighteen; unless, of course, you’re under eighteen…or she’s really hot and has a convincing fake i.d.)

no, i’m talking about leftover childhood trauma. that’s what got the guys mumbling and panicky in the bit i did yesterday. see, somewhere back when they were a kid, they got a girl they had a crush on a card, and decorated it up, and tried not to be TOO sissy, but still express some ten-year-old equivalent of romantic interest, and things did not go well…

“the next day little timmy got his heart broken – valentine’s day sucks!”.

so now the same guy has to go out and go through it all again, and the panic sets in. he’s ten all over again. at least, that’s my theory…and i’m sticking to it.

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