twelve steps…i mean PACK

so, i have been slacking a bit on my ol’ whore duties, haven’t i? lack of internet connection at the crib combined with lack of employment (and the subsequent search there of) have kinda slowed things down a bit…

but we’ve got time to make up for. so here, for your pleasure, are two six packs of wisdom i came up with yesterday, showing the delicate balance of the life of a guy with no job, who wants a job, but makes looking for a job his NEW job (i.e. the hunt is on…but only from nine to five)

“power verbs” to avoid when writing your resume

1. concocted (unless it’s a wiccan or pagan establishment)
2. conjured (ditto…look for the pentacle on the business card)
3. imagined (even when going for creative positions)
4. destroyed (unless it’s a lawyer’s office)
5. swore (unless applying for a bailiff position in a courtroom)
6. shot (even police frown on this…i checked)

also try and avoid the phrase “satan told me to…”. if the prince of darkness does actually speak to you, this is not the place to mention it. save it for your references section.

that covers stuff i learned yesterday afternoon. but later that night i came up with…

six things to clear out the urinals on either side of you

1. “do you have a free hand?”
2. “i don’t wanna sound gay or nothing, but…”
3. “WOW, i’m gonna feel that in the morning…”
4. “i hope teeth marks are all that bitch left behind…”
5. “why won’t you talk to me any more?”
6. “glad you’re not in sandals…i have a tendency to spray”

my mind can be a dangerous place, huh? please keep your hands and feet inside the tram at all times…

Replies: 2 Comments

I think you could use the word “shot” in a film resume. As in, “Shot a short film involving a guy eating a wasp.” (True story.)

the scorpio redhead said @ 10/17/2003 07:41 PM CST

a mind is a terrible thing…

(and it’s pentacle by the way)

kathi said @ 10/14/2003 06:39 PM CST