the voices in my head…well, SOME of them

i was in the shower this morning (some of you might not want to visualize on that one) when it happened…and it WASN’T pretty.

“i am the voice inside your head (and i control you)”

that’s a line out of the nine inch nails song, mr. self destruct. but that wasn’t the song that was stuck in my head. oh no, no, no…this was same genre, even from the same era played on the same alternative radio stations. but NOT as cool a song. not from a band that still fills stadiums. or even clubs. hell, i doubt they’re ever still together, let alone tour. the band in question is the presidents of the united states of america. and the song is “peaches”.

“millions of peaches…peaches for me. millions of peaches. peaches for free. LOOK OUT!!!”

FUCK!!!

why is it that the LAMEST fucking songs are the ones that wander into our skull and think, “i believe i’ll set up camp HERE”. damn, that sucks. it’s never koRn or hendrix (unless, i supposed, you don’t LIKE koRn or hendrix; then that’s probably what you’re stuck with). and what was worse was when i THOUGHT i had found my kindred spirit for the day. someone who shared my pain (well, at least THIS pain). someone who could relate. i had gone out to the backyard and was in the office of one of the promoters and she said, “you know…ever since this morning i have had the most ANNOYING song stuck in my head….” “YES!!!!”, i practically screamed. “me, too. the president’s damn “peaches” song. what’s yours?” she said she didn’t remember. but then, like SO many a female before her (and undoubtedly countless ones after) she had to make the pain WORSE and say, “well at least it wasn’t that ‘lump’ song. you know the one *she begins to sing* ‘she’s lump…she’s lump…she’s in my head’. so, it could be worse, right?” yeah, sally. could, and now IS. thanks to you. the whole rest of the damn afternoon…”she’s lump…she’s lump…..”

AAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

just like that damn vh1 show, one hit wonders….”get them stuck in your head all over again” is their slogan. but the one’s that tend to REALLY get stuck in our head always have five things in common:

1. it’s never a song or an artist you like or would even own.
2. it’s always something you had to hear on the radio WAY too much, proving my pseudo-chosen profession (at least what my degree is in) is one evil-assed job.
3. the only thing that gets rid of it is hearing the track IN IT’S ENTIRETY. or drugs or booze.
4. you can never remember more than about 45% of the words.
5. the hidden blessing: the same one never seems to get stuck twice.

then i come home, try to relax, and see something on tv that hopefully WILL get stuck in my head…the sight of a VERY trashed anna nicole smith in a crop top and stretch pants stumbling through las vegas shopping, drinking, and partying at a strip club. why? ’cause if THAT doesn’t inspire you to lose weight and get fit and workout NOTHING will. you KNOW it’s ugly when it’s surrounded by blonde, tanned, vegas-stripping ass and you STILL can’t bare to look. so now, it’s time to get personal.

anna, given the fact that my site contains some key words in the url that i KNOW your people must google search for often (like “whore”, “texas”, and “white trash”) i’ll trust SOMEBODY in your camp reads this at least occasionally. so i have a message from you. from one loud-mouthed texan to another. and it’s a quote from animal house (slightly paraphrased for you) that i feel you REALLY need to hear:

(and most of you already know what you’re about to read, don’t you?)

“fat, drunk, and stupid is NO way to go through life, dear…”

there. does that count as community service?

…and a few of you still need to throw a vote down on the pube poll 2k2. i’ll be running it till oct 1st, then we’ll tally. assuming there’s more than a few of you out there, of course.

Replies: 1 Comment

“that’s why it’s easy….easy like sunday morning”

you’re the bastard that made me download that song!

josh said @ 09/25/2002 04:55 AM GMT