put the BALL back in football

so, saturday night was spent primarily at the what i always call “the hockey stadium” because that is typically why i’m there. but now, a new team has taken over the facility for the summer, and it ain’t hockey.

it’s indoor football.

on a fifty yard playing field.

what was interesting was last night. the austin icebats have made it all the way to the championship series of the play-offs, which lapped into the indoor football season. so friday night, there was a hockey game. saturday morning, the goals came down, and goal POSTS went up. the glass came down, too…which kinda sucked for those seated BEHIND the goal posts. and it was football time. then today, the posts came down, the glass and goals went back up, and the puck drops at 6:00 for game two of the championship. interesting.

i watched the team warm up (not easy to do when all that separates you and a big-ass block of ice is a thin layer of turf….and you thought green bay had the “frozen tundra”), and then THEY showed up. the cheerleaders. their dance squad. DAMN….

THAT is where the focus need to be. fuck the team, fuck the whole “indoor football” novelty. fuck the mascot who was trying to hit up on junior’s date amber because she was in watching the game alone since she was WAY pissed at me at the time (a simple misunderstanding..all worked out now…bonded over baby a’s margaritas post game). they need to focus on the hot women they’ve got on the field and those well-sculpted, dancer-built, j-Lo style ASSetts. that, and lower the beer prices. and this WILL succeed. the key is in the latter half of the name of the sport:

Beer
Ass
Lovely
Ladies

and the seats WILL fill. sure, nobody will know your quarterback’s name, but your profits will go up. and if the profits for a team can go up WITHOUT the team, it saves you a world of shit. no more prima-donna athletes who speak of themselves in the third person. no more, “you can’t trade me..the fans will kill you”. fuck you, you cfl wanna-be. they don’t even NOW you. they just know you as the guy who wouldn’t get off the field quick enough last quarter for us to set up the poles do desiree and heather could do sugars-inspired pole dancing while two other girls showered them in gatorade, soaking they’re little white tank tops that displayed a sponsors name who paid out the ASS for the hard-nipple clause of his contract. now THAT’S a half-time show guys will watch. with baited breath. THEN you charge them more for beer, since it has to be delivered to the seats ’cause they don’t wanna miss becky and laurie then LICKING the gatorade off desiree and heather. in fact, charge TWICE as much for gatorade after that as you do for beer, and i bet it STILL sells.

throw in a cage on either side of the goal posts for the girls to dance in DURING the game (otherwise people will stay for the breaks and go piss while the balls in motion) and you’re good to go. i SO need to talk to the GM of this team next week…

Replies: 1 Comment

good plan.

brunette said @ 04/22/2002 04:28 AM GMT