quitters win? not on my watch!

okay, so let’s talk about waco…

…it’s half way between austin and dallas, it’s usually where i stop for food, gas, and to piss when i’m on the road, and i have no really fond recollections of the place because…well…it’s fucking waco.

the town was named after indians that didn’t even want to stay there. true story. in that wonderful era when white folk just swept in and decimated entire native american populations with guns or small pox blankets or whatever was handy, the waco tribe was spared but they decided to move away when whitey moved in, probably due to property taxes going to high and no interest in pricey coffee or hot rock yoga, as you tend to get with an influx of honky folk.

there goes the neighborhood.

it’s a town named after quitters that’s had problems with people that just don’t know when to quit ever since. the branch davidians of the 1990’s come to mind. we remember how that finally ended:

then, more recently, some bikers wanted to grab a meal at “breastaurant” twin peaks and…well…

so, as wrongful arrest lawsuits begin to pile up against the city thanks to a bit over-zealous (everyone on a bike got taken in, regardless of affiliation with the bandidos & cossacks, the two biker gangs involved in the actual violence) i figure it’s time for this loser-named town to begin anew. i think it’s naming the town after a bunch of oklahoma-fleeing native americans that was a bad start, so here’s a few new name ideas:

incarceration station – hey, if college station can end in “station” so can they – and they are the place where now they’ll let you out after you wrongfully arrested only if you sign an affidavit swearing you won’t sue for wrongful arrest. wait…is that legal? fuck no, it’s not…welcome to texas justice!

bear village – now, as i came up with the idea i was thinking it in line with this…

ya know, being the home to baylor university and all…but i guess it might draw more of this:

but they’ll be needing a new tourism base, and those guys do have a decent amount of money (although in the above outfits you probably don’t wanna know where they carry it, save for my old friend shawn who has the yellow thing around his neck) so this might be a blessing in disguise, ya know?

bikerberg – i figure some of the wrongful arrest lawsuits might slow down if they really, really, REALLY embrace biker culture? no? well, fuck it, i tried…and if the town loses the lawsuits it might be re-named this anyway. just remember i thought of it first – “bikerberg“, copyright MMXV daphuk.com

dalstin – after all, it IS half-way between austin and dallas, both cities people actually WANT to visit…why not act like they’re the best of both worlds?

dr. pepper-ville – spit whatever negative shit you want to about the region (and i’ll say plenty!) but they did give us a pretty yummy soda…

and finally…

ever been there? met anybody born there? “wacko” gives possibly a bit TOO much truth in advertising…