do you deserve your TX?

you know what one of the problems with society today is?

we don’t have any more rites of passage.

it used to be at certain points in life you do certain things and you “become a man”. now you just call yourself something and it seems to stick. no time for med school? just call yourself “dr. dre” and people will call you as such. that sort of thing.

fuck all that.

likewise, just having that “TX” abbreviation doesn’t make you a texan in my eyes. it just doesn’t. a few folks rolled through the shop last week as they travel the state taking pics (and personally acquiring) texas-themed tattoos. they asked if i had one and i replied, “i have to – you’re not a real texan if you don’t”.

not my only criteria – do you cover the spread? let’s see.

six things you gotta do to be considered a texan in my eyes

show your true colors – something, somewhere in your home or vehicle has to have the texas flag on it. just HAS to be around, preferably where you see it daily. we are some proud motherfuckers and are the only state that legally fly it’s state flag at the exact same height as the stars and stripes outside of government buildings. i covered mine by…

have some skin in the game – when i got my tribal arm band it was the thing to do (1996) but i through the artist a twist – have the black ends fade into the texas flag. he was genuinely impressed with the idea. now a days that is a dull as fuck idea, but as many customers warn me constantly “it’s for life” so it’s here forever, just like…

hands on a hard willie – okay, so that sounded worse than it needed to, but i feel all real texans need to shake willie nelson’s hand at least once. it’s just gotta happen. i got to, and had him sign one of my business cards, since he technically founded the company i worked for at the time. now i just need to get him to sign my virgin willie:

but since i brought up the whole “hard willie” thing, i feel you also gotta experience…

the longest lapdance EVER – yeppers…you gotta date a stripper. don’t fucking marry one (learn from my buddy’s mistake) and try not to get TOO attached (see previous comment) but at least date one once…you know, just so you can say you did. and when she comes back crazy, don’t forget…

lock ‘n load – you gotta own a gun. you just gotta. it’s texas. while i won’t play in to the truck or horse stereotypes (both ALMOST made this list but were dropped last minute). bonus points if you own multiples, even more so if they’re illegal in other states (NO gun is illegal in TX save for full autos, grenade launchers, etc – and even those will probably just get you a warning).

and finally, the most obvious…

be born here – so you have “TX” on your license? super. i could move to cuba and get a cuban license – it wouldn’t make be cuban. i’m just sayin’. damn it, now i want a cuban sandwich…