i used to dog on fat people a LOT didn’t i?
no wonder i keep dieting…
06/24/2002: “finally, CEOs read the whore!!!!”
so, a while back i kinda took a stand against the blantantly chunky set trying to qualify for handicapped parking…the whole “yellow zone” at the end of the lot plan so they could walk off the excess pounds treking across mall parking lots in the scorching heat that is texas in the summer. i was called cruel. insensitive. mean. an “asshole”. all fitting; but nobody, and i mean NOBODY called me “inaccurate” for pointing out that someone’s ability to view the phrase “all you can eat” as a personal challenge does NOT make them handicapped (or handiCAPABLE if you’re one of those pc speakers i’d dearly love to sodomize with the tire tool from a 1970 plum-crazy-purple hemi ‘cuda). if it’s glandualr, we can let it slide…but if you look at a desert menu and say, “okay”, you are NOT handicapped. your amazing talent for being able to name all 31 flavors in under 31 seconds does NOT mean you deserve to park in a place for a guy with a bum hip. sorry. that’s BULLSHIT.
and the people have spoken and agreed. or more, the AIRLINE of the people has spoken. in an announcement that was made ON MY BIRTHDAY (which was ALL over this site…coincedence that’s when they made the announcement? i think not) southwest airlines has announced it will start enforcing it’s ticketing policy for those who take up a bit more than one seat. about FUCKING time.
don’t get me wrong; i’m NOT small. but i’m pretty damn far from fat; and if you’ve ever had to give it up (as in seat cushion real estate, my fellow perverts) to one of these cargo-plane-needing individuals, you applaude this policy, too. my only problem with the whole thing is their term for the large (and now) more charged. they call them “people of size”.
what the fuck?
the stats on my last girlfriend: 5’0″, 115 lbs.
she’s a person of “size”, she’s just a size “s”.
(or “xs”, depending on which store in the outlet mall we happen to be assaulting with our credit cards with at the time)
the point being, we’re ALL people of size. they try and use the term like it’s “people of color”. there’s a big difference they’re missing.
black people, despite what the current appearance of michael jackson might imply (what the FUCK is up with that nose?) do not have a choice in being black. (okay, so briant gumble apparently did; and we ALL see what choice he made, but never mind that now). the point is, if you label them “people of color”, in my opinion (clearly what this page is ALL about, right?) they are people who are “of color” because they were BORN that way. you never, ever, EVER see an EX-black person on tv (except thriller boy, as we’ve already covered). but you see ex FAT PEOPLE all the time. that’s what half the infomercials are. and the slim-fast ads. and metabolife posters. ex-fat asses are EVERYWHERE. they are not “people of size”. they are “people who need to hit the gym”. plain and simple.
if we’re gonna use ridiculous phrases like “people of size”, should we view homosexual males (who i clearly view as born that way, and that’s all good…typically nice guys, and it leaves more women for me) as “people of cock”? (did i go to far with that one?)
what i REALLY wanna see is the counter cushion. you know; where you check in, and if your bag is kinda “on the border” as far as size is concerned, they make you wedge it in that little plastic cube to see if it’ll fit or if you have to check it. i’m curious if they’ll have an ASS cube.
“sir, we noticed you polishing of that waffle cone while you were in line here. we saw that. would you kindly try to sit here? don’t worry…it’s three-quarter inch bullet-proof plexi. if you’re sweat pants can handle you, it can too…oh, i’m sorry. not quite fitting there. i’m afraid you’re gonna have to open that wallet of yours up like you were at the godiva outlet and throw down a bill or two more…”
you know who the NEW most hated person in the terminal will be? like, even more than that guy that only exsists in the post-9-1-1 days that makes you remove your fucking SHOES like sushi will be served in the shamu-painted 737 dojo you’re taking to dallas?
the guy who has to determine WHO’S borderline. getting that tap on the shoulder for a woman is the equivalent of the “hey, you’re new here…” shoulder tap in the holding cell on the ass end (no pun intended) of a drunken saturday night, isn’t it? not that i’d know about such things…
here’s what’s even MORE funny.
picture this: it’s a friday evening. you’re off to vegas. money in pocket. life is GOOD. you’re already on the plane. you’ve picked out a couple of things you want from the in-flight horchow collection catalog. and you get THIS asked of you:
“sir, there’s a “person of size” who’s booked on this flight, and due to his “carriage” he requires an extra seat. the flight is completely booked, so if you wouldn’t mind taking a later flight…”
what the fuck? sound like one of those “tests” you get in management seminars, doesn’t it?
“there’s only six seats in a bunker, and you have ten in front of you…how do you save? the nukes will be here in thirty minutes. choose.”
i don’t know what i’d do….there are a LOT of buffets in vegas. it’s pretty much all they have. if you have a guy who has a problem killing people, do we air-lift him to the parking lot of guns galore in killeen, texas? no. so, if i give up my seat, aren’t i part of the problem?
i guess if the incentives were good (like MAJOR flight discounts), maybe. what would YOU do?