time for some happy (a new holiday proposal)

i think halloween gets a bad wrap amongst some of my friends…

…’cause it’s seen as a “gateway” holiday. sure it’s fun, you get to dress up, go out, and party (well, i didn’t get to this year, but such is the typical behavior). but it’s looked at as “the begining of the end” for all my friends (of which there are many) that loathe the holiday season.

before i go any further, let me soap box for a minute – if you have family or a significant other you can hang with on the holidays shut the FUCK up about it being a downer. some of us don’t have that. i’m just sayin’.

moving on…

…going biblical here: halloween begets thanksgiving, which begets xmas, which begets new years eve, which begets valentine’s day, which begets st. patrick’s day when we can all relax and have a drink ’cause it’s pretty well behind us…at least the soppy, “spend it with someone you love” kinda holidays are.

but i don’t feel we, the unloved masses, get to properly prepare for the suck-ass holiday season ’cause we’re in costume…and you just can’t unwind and get yo’ drunk on when you’re dressed as a zombie michael jackson (which i’ve heard there were surprisingly few of) or a slutty nurse – this is why i propose a new holiday to forever separate halloween from the bummer days and give us a REAL time to kill enough brain cells to mentally numb out for waking up alone another xmas morning, or having a drink rather than a kiss (or more) at the stroke of midnight on new years, or pissing (literally?) on valentine’s day candy at wal-mart…

…and today’s the day: american vice day

so whatever your poison might be – booze, cigars, cigarettes, dope, coke, fucking, whatever…this is the day to indulge the shit out of it to kick-off another suck-ass holiday season. and what better day to make all your happy come out than 11-9, the OPPOSITE of 9-11? the latter will always be a somber, sad day in this country…forever associated with chaos and down feelings. so let’s have the opposite day have the opposite vibe!

now if you’ll excuse me, i’ve got a drink to pour and a cigar to light…