so, i’m gone for one day to taco city and my office ends up getting all sorts of “re-shuffled”. in this case, it was a staff member moving but nobody moving in here…so we have a good sized corner of the office to fill. originally, this was filled with a massive shelving unit for tech stuff storage…but that all got moved when she moved in, and now that she’s bounced out, we need to fill the space. here’s a six pack of my suggestions on how to do so:
1. a stripper pole – honestly…do i even need to discuss why this is a good idea? add a little mirrored tiling behind the thing, crank up my harman kardon speakers, and let the fun begin. it just means my door would have to be shut more often, and i’d be a lot happier coming to work. who wants to be my first featured entertainer? (kramer, put your hand down!)
2. a wet bar – need i say more on this one, either? this is SUCH the shit there are no words. plus, i figure as long as i don’t restrict who gets to use it (save for the age thing…don’t do that contributing to a minor thang any more…like i wanna spend another weekend picking up trash on the side of the highway; fuck all that) then no one should bitch. just don’t know if i like it better than the whole “live stripper” idea. definitely better than the “dead stripper” idea, but i omitted that off the list for obvious reasons.
3. a new habitat area for ’tish – the full name of my columbian red tail boa is morticia, but i just call her tish. and, like most people, i’m not a big fan of people wandering into my office for no reason, or when i’m not here…and i figure a large habitat with a nine foot snake in it could slow some traffic down. of course, if shane still worked with us, this would guarantee he’d be in here more often. but then again, so would booze and strippers.
4. a walk in humidor – with the exception of the price, this is probably the one i could get upper management into. don’t get me wrong, they like strippers and booze as much as anyone, but that can offend clients. this is almost a good marketing tool…get a client that enjoys cigars and this will impress the SHIT out of them. might not do it for others, but who can argue with the aromatic bliss of spanish cedar?
5. a mechanical bull – what was that movie? where that hot-ass girl was riding that mechanical bull in the bar? oh yeah – the new guy. (what – did you think i was gonna bring up urban cowboy? must you stereotype ALL us texas people?) who wouldn’t want something big, mechanical, and named after where steak comes from in their office?
6. a jacuzzi – now, think about it…what causes more job related problems than anything else? STRESS!!! and what better way to chill out on the job (next to fucking) is there than a nice soak in a hot tub? hell, add a stripper pole sliding into it, and a bar attached to it, and we’ve gone three for six in one sitting. folks, i think we have a winner!!!
(also thought of pinball or arcade games, whack a’ mole, foosball, air hockey, that basketball shoot for tickets game, a vending machine, and a slot machine…but all would increase foot traffic into here, which i decided was a bad thing)
any other suggestions?
Replies: 5 Comments
-a boxing ring. with “hulk fists” and “sumo-suits” just in case things get… interesting.
-a mini-rain forest (insert ’tish here?).
-a ps2 haven complete w/ games, bean bags, big screen tv, and free pizza.
-one of those velcro walls that you throw yourself against and hang upside down on.
-a gigantic aquarium.
-a punching bag!!!
-a table-top pool table (as seen at restoration hardware)
-a “shot-chess” board (also as seen at r.h. gotta get me one of those…).
-kiddie pool full of jell-O (combine pool of goo w/ strippers only if necessary).
-life-sized cut-out of morgan so you can pretend it’s still the gool ol’ days. =D (morgan now owes me a tastey beverage.) ;-)~
~leslie* said @ 08/21/2003 05:05 PM CST
Shit, foot traffic? I only need a few square feet, and she can be a tattooed stripper; and I’m on HER tab. make it a double.
Harold said @ 08/15/2003 12:07 AM CST
honey? kramer i like you (the few times i’ve met ya)but we aint “honey” tight…no matter what my chart might say…
shane said @ 08/14/2003 11:23 PM CST
Yeah, you need an astrologer to help with the interview process…
“But honey, your chart sez you can hang upside down from the pole….”
astrofishy said @ 08/14/2003 11:04 PM CST
if you combine tish, stripper pole with hot ass stripper included(it would just be nasty to see joe or steve on it), and the wet bar, i might move back to austin and reapply.i’d even be willing to help “interview” candidates for the pole…
shane said @ 08/14/2003 11:21 AM CST