new for 2k2! buffet-binging barbie!!!

okay, quick reader’s poll: which of these facts do you find more disturbing?

1. the fact that i actually own the anna nicole playmate of the year issue of playboy?
2. what she’s turned herself into since her heff-fueled hayday
3. the fact that she’s now got her own “reality” show on E!

i feel like an idiot. like my degree needs to be pulled from it’s suede-matted, anti-glare-glassed frame (michael’s was closing…i got a HELL of a deal). when the osbourne’s became the biggest bleeping thing to hit the airwaves in a long bleeping time (damn shame ozzy can’t say FUCK on his own show, but i can say it here, huh?) i didn’t think anything of it. don’t get me wrong, i love the ozz (not gay) and the show, but i figured he was the tale-end (did that on purpose) of the reality thang. after survivor, that alaskan bride bullshit, temptation island, road rules, the “real” world, dormslutcam.com (forget i mentioned that last one), et al, i thought it was going out…but out with a satanic bang.

boy, was i wrong…way to spot the trend, broadcast degree boy…

sometimes, when i have a slow-ass day (which today was AND wasn’t, all at the same time) i need something to write about. can’t skip a day on y’all, can i? so, occasionally i cheat when i’m at the gym and watch cnn while i’m on the elliptical machine. amazing what i’ll do for you people, huh?

the tail end of crossfire tonight was all about the anna nicole show…and how bad it was. now keep in mind, i WAS at the gym, so i was having to READ crossfire off the captioning. but the gist of all guests and panel members seemed to be about the same…

“it SUCKS”

i thought, these pretentious snobs…even if danny bonaducci WAS on the panel. how bad can it be? how dumbed-down can a network who’s brought us such great programming as the howard stern show and wild on get? the answer, in a word (or more accurately, three…but math has NO place in their world): pretty fucking dumb.

i got to watch a double dose of this over-bloated, over-paid, over white-trashed version of a “reality show” tonight…if a tribe of jerry springer guests gang-raped pamela anderson-lee-rock while jeff foxworthy records played in the background, the “pam & tommy” tape equivalent of the deed would be the anna nicole smith show. i actually feel DUMBER after watching it…but i now think my sister looks pretty fucking hot.

HELP ME!!!

we get to watch her talk baby talk to her son, who appears to be in his teens. we get to see her little excuse of a dog hump a stuffed animal in lingerie. we get to see her pout when she doesn’t get her way. a LOT.

she has a cartoon of herself (which looks a LOT better than the real thing, by the way) in the intro…kinda like ozzy. she has a pale-skinned, neon-haired, somewhat chubby girl around her a lot…kinda like ozzy. (except it’s her assistant, not her daughter). and her main partner in crime seems to be her LAWYER (which says a LOT, you must admit)…and i swear HIS name is ‘howard stern’. and you know what REALLY sucks? an E! ad i just heard claims that this slop had the highest rated premier episode of any reality show in cable history. while that’s kinda like the contest for the best gang-bang scene by a polish nun in a japanese clown porn video (i.e., not a lot of competition when you make the category REALLY narrow), it does prove americans do LOVE to slow down to watch the car crash…especially when it’s drunk, blonde, busty, and HIGHLY dysfunctional.

i’m serious….roseanne ain’t got NOTHING on this. at least her SHOW doesn’t. remember some of that crazy shit she was supposedly doing in real life when her show was banking? same principle here…there ain’t nothing scarier than true white trash…except white trash with an attitude. worse still when it’s being bank-rolled and filmed.

you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl…and going off the looks of miss smith’s ass, she took a double wide prison-style and clenched it in. i don’t know if guess GETS that large. so now she models for “guess her weight” jeans, marketed exclusively at traveling carnivals and such, i suppose…

Replies: 1 Comment

Amen Brother Sean! I saw that piece of crap Tuesday night. I feel so dirty. The worst part? She is/was a model for Lane Bryant (large women shop). That’s almost like having Michael Jackson as a spokesman for the NAACP.

topenga said @ 08/15/2002 04:57 AM GMT