top 10 rejected valentines

a brief note – at first i wrote comedic bits for kramer’s site, astrofish.net, but he bought the astrowhore.org url on some fire sale in the uk and then gave it to me. i THINK he tried to kick start me doing the site by re-publishing this bit i did for his site, or maybe there were too many ass and hooker references for his taste so he never ran it on his site? the reason i think i wrote this instead of him is it’s more my style, and i can’t picture him being so tasteless as to write number nine, and i actually knew a girl who fits number seven (i never had to pay, i’ll quickly add), and number one just wreaks of me since i was all about the small town redneck stereotypes back then, so i’m 99.9% sure this is technically the first astrowhore bit, although it wasn’t actually written to be on here…

> > > Top Ten Rejected Valentines Day Cards

> > >
> > 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
> > > But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
> >
> > > 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
> > > Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
> >
> > > 8. I bought this Valentine’s card at the store
> > > In hopes that, later, you’d be my whore.
> >
> > > 7. This feels so good, it feels so right
> > > I just wish it wasn’t $250 a night.
> >
> > > 6. You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of
> > > class Especially when I’m spanking, your
> > > big-round-fat ass.
> > >
> > > 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
> > > But now I’m fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A
> > > SAMICH!!!
> > >
> > > 4. Through all the things that came to pass
> > > Our love has grown. . . but so’s your ass.
> >
> > > 3. You’re a honey. . . and you’re a cutie
> > > I just wished you had J-Lo’s “booty”.
> >
> > > 2. I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or corny
> > > So, right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!
> >
> > > 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister
> > > You should check out the one that I gave to
> > > your sister!