sunday stripper sixer

you knew it had to happen eventually…

…i went back out for a stripper night. this one, however, was different. quite different. but six different ways different? sure – why not! and if you’re going to do it, go to one that got some national coverage, right?

(typing with right hand, downing guiness with left – god bless the tap room in san marcos!!!)

6. i stay sober – this harkens back to the days of sugars or the rose with JAB pre-wife (or girlfriend, for that matter – just so Mrs. JAB knows, i think she would have still been in jr. high at this point, so don’t ride him to hard on this). we actually popped our strip club cherry together on his twenty-first and caligula 21 in dallas, TX after watching van hagar from the 7th row at the starplex – featured entertainer? candy cantelopes. google that shit. looks like a human cartoon.

anywho, back then i didn’t drink. this would not have been that rare. nowadays? i can’t even TYPE about this shit and not drink. welcome to my sad little life…:)

5. shane paid – while typically a very generous barhopping bud, while unemployed you wouldn’t expect it…’cept the tax man cometh, and droppeth off a check. still, not one to take advantage i insisted we go to a place we could get in free or cheap (free for me, cheap for them. i have a vip card. long story – goes back to 1991 or so and involves trent reznor from nine inch nails) and only did a shot or two. tab still hit over two bills. welcome to booze at the shane drinking level and the strip club pricing level!

4. shane’s readhead curse was broken! – at least for four songs…which only cost him $30, and was done by a total sweetheart with great ink and sweet tasting nipples (sadly we can both attest to this, but i found out first and with a good bit less of cash outlay…thank god for motherfucking charm!). she might be popping up in another entry soon…no pun intended. let’s move on while i take another woodchuck swig…

(not a sex metaphore – still at the tap drinking and writing and i have a beer card to fill, as some of you may recall from a previous bit)

3. i forget a face – this seriously NEVER happens. i remember almost EVERYBODY by face. name? not so much…but face? i nail it all the time. i remember faces, and almost anything involved with a woman that means something to me – everything she does, everything she says…ask any girl i date, it’s my curse. but the manager of this place greeted me warmly, talked about how it had been a while, etc, etc. i have no idea where i know him from…but apparently i know him. he wasn’t how i got the v.i.p. card…

2. we don’t close the joint down – this was my fault. for shane’s bank balance, it was a probably a good thing. but for some reason copper woke me up at 3:30am and then i couldn’t go back to sleep thursday night – even though i had gone to bed at midnight. so on three and a half hours of sleep i got up, grabbed breakfast tacos, had a mini house marathon, went to san marcos to work out, then went to seguin to catch last weekend’s ufc and go drinking with shane. i end up at a strip club, and after being up twenty some odd hours straight, i started to fade. this one, sadly, was all me.

1. cousin greg saw real live boob! check our boy out:

big props to shane for pulling a camera phone pic that clear, framed that well, while…

a. having stopped speaking to sobriety several hours (and a few counties) prior to this pic being snapped

b. while sitting on the main floor of a strip club, which typically frowns against that kind of thing

but back to cousin greg…

he went into this a boy, and came out a happy boy. seriously, in my world guys that hit thirty and have never had a lapdance tend to KNOW what cock’s supposed to taste like (slightly masked vintage salsa commercial reference – my fellow texans got that one…). we couldn’t let that happen to cousin greg, so shane decided an intervention was in order. next he wants an intervention involving a boystown hooker. in my opinion the girl that does the donkey does NOT need to turn around and do cousin greg – although being a country boy, he might be into that kind of thing…