the breakfast of…satan?

hey, we all gotta have a hobby…

…mine just happens to be fucking with the ridiculously religious.

now some of you would argue that’s a repetitive term – that “ridiculous” and “religious” are pretty much one and the same…and to a certain degree i would agree with you. but one thing i’ve learned – sometimes the whole is greater than the sum of its parts…and if somebody finds a peace, or solace, or fulfillment in ascribing to a religion that maybe they would be lacking otherwise, than (pun intended) god bless them. both my Moms and both Grandmothers would tell you they were religious women – and the way they led their lives showed this.

sidebar – i can respect those that SAY it and then DO it. has anybody else ever noticed that when somebody says something to the effect of “now, i’m a good christian, but…” it’s usually immediately proceeded or preceded by a statement or comment of an action that would, in fact, highlight that they’re anything BUT a good christian? an example: a former ex’s sister once actually said, “now, sean, you know i pride myself in being a good christian woman, but when i’m trying to FUCK MY BOYFRIEND IN THE SHOWER and the phone keeps ringing…”. yeah, your god must be so proud…

moral to the story: don’t just SAY you’re a “good christian” to try and gain some extra level of respect – ’cause when your actions say the opposite you actually lose a shit-load of respect from me. “practice what you preach”, i believe the old adage goes.

and don’t even get me started about their view on the gay marriage thing. let’s move on…

…so my latest way to fuck with them is my friday breakfast tradition. i love my local taco joint, mr. taco – good food, good people, good prices, and on fridays good targets on occasion. on tuesday and wednesday i get their special, but on friday i don’t really like the special so i drop some coin and pay full price for my “ultimate” breakfast combo:

two tacos – a potato, egg, and cheese and a carne guisada with cheese…with a half liter of coke from mexico (real sugar vs. corn syrup in the american version). total? this is where the fun comes in – $6.66. now i should explain – this is ACTUALLY my favorite breakfast combo. i ordered it for the first time on (ironically) friday the 13th back in april and found out that was the total. cute lil’ girl (that’s way too young for me to do much other than call her a “cute lil’ girl” on this page) told me my total and i responded with “that’s my new friday order”.

but she actually TOLD me my total. god bless danielle.

anybody else that happens to work on friday? not so much – i’ve seen several different reactions. some of them just spin the rotating display on the register and point at it. some people cross themselves. hell, even danielle will just hold out her hand without saying my total ’cause she and i both KNOW i know what it is if other people are around, particularly the people that work there that are actually FROM mexico.

but today they sunk to a new low. they lied.

i went in and the to go counter was SLAMMED. it looked like a whole landscaping or road crew was there. none of them spoke english. problem was the counter person, despite their etnicity, didn’t speak spanish. so there was one taking the order verbally, than translating it so it could be typed in, then the total was said in english, than translated to spanish, etc, etc, etc.

i said “fuck this” and went through the drive-thru. and was told my total was $6.67 when i ordered.

“can i see the receipt”, i asked. and just as i expected, the total was “$6.66”.

go ahead and pull up – they’ll be right out with your food, i was told.

“but i’m confused”, i said, “my total was $6.66, but you said $6.67…why would you lie about my total and add a penny?”

you know, sir, i can’t say THAT number…the bible says you can’t

“actually…”, i quickly added, “it just says that’s the number of the beast…but it never says you can’t say it out loud. never does. no where in there. it DOES, however, say you’re not supposed to lie – that’s one of the almighty’s top ten…so if you had SAID my total earlier, you wouldn’t have anything to confess tomorrow…but now you do. way to go!”

and i drove off. i swear i heard a whimper.

the tacos will cost you – but the superstitious bullshit is free! what a deal!