sometimes “no” means “oh, FUCK that hurts!!!”

in many ways i’m glad it was invented…

…as long as i never have to feel one. fortunately my manners pretty much guarantee i won’t. what am i speaking of? the new female condom…the anti-rape version.

again, good move, girls.

he can’t say no to gelled hair, jaeger bombs, or cocked to the side visors – what chance did your “no” have against that?

it works just like any other female condom, but with a twist. a painful twist – inspired by severe tire damage spikes. you throw her down, you shove it in, all feels like normal – but you go to pull out and thrust again and hundreds of glass sharp plastic shards hook into mr. happy and give him about 664 more piercings than even i have down there.

try and pull it off, the little hooks tear into you. try and pull it off slowly and the little hooks still tear into you…slowly. and as it was pointed out to me by a MALE reader (of all people) let mr. happy start to shrink to non-happy size (as this level of pain will tend to make him do) and the little hooks will tear at him as he shrinks…

that’ll learn ya.

if that don’t kill the mood, nothing will. unfortunate enough this kind of stuff happens, i’m probably one of few men that thinks this invention is a good thing. don’t take it unless she’s into that kind of thing, lads. you end up with one of these latched onto you, ya got off light in my book.