two piece and a biscuit with a side of irony

the other day i hit a KFC in south austin and was kinda blown away by their prices…

…not in a good way. i used to go their on tuesdays, when they had a two piece & a biscuit special for only a buck. now that same meal costs four and a quarter, and it’s only two years later…what kind of gasoline do they use to fry their chicken?

seriously, i know a lot of people don’t eat as KFC due to the way they treat the birds while they’re still alive, but honestly – we know how it’s gonna end up for them…why tease them with the good life? to quote my non-girlfriend, “those scrared chickens taste good!”

you can taste the fear!

so we go, she orders, pays, they bring her food to the counter, and she goes and grabs a booth. there’s nobody in line but us at the time…but in the time it took them to bring her food out (which took only a couple of minutes) six people filed in line behind me. she took my order, handed me my drink cup, and proceeded to “next” me outta line so she could take the next order. given the line, i thought nothing of it, and went and sat in our booth until my food was ready.

TWENTY minutes later that CLNGF (cute, latin, non-girlfriend) was done with her food, and the five people in line behind me were either chowing in a booth or out the door with their kentucky fried scared yardbird.

i had a pepsi. that was all.
 
i was hot and decided i didn’t need no stinkin’ eleven herbs and what not, so i went to the counter with my receipt and asked for a refund. the guy behind the counter replied, “didn’t you like your food?”.

i responded with, “if you had FUCKING given it to me, i would know…”.

he said a manager had to issue a refund and would get her for me. she came out wearing a name tag labeled “store manager / customer service expert”. the service was far from expert – no offering of free grub, no “this never happens” rhetoric – just a semi-quick handback of my cash (she got confused when my refund was $3.25 and i gave her $1.75 to get a fiver back – then she was out of fives, so i gave her a five and a ten to get back a twenty. this confused her worse.) and dismissal. the “customer service expert”‘s name? irony wilson.

i’m not making that shit up. her name was “irony”. that’s fucking funny.

quick question to the parents of the world – are you getting so desperate for your kid to stand out that you just open a dictionary at the hospital, pick the first word you see, and slap your last name on the end of it? you know that girl’s probably gonna end up a stripper, right?

(side note: two weeks later i went to a burger king thirty miles from this kfc and was helped by a black girl named “italy”, so apparently as long as the noun starts with “i” and ends with “y” it’s fair game…)