nazi burger

ya know, i had heard the rumors but never seen it in action…

…until last friday.

that was the day, you may recall, i had gas problems (not in a gross way) and so already going in late to work i figured turning around and taking my traditional friday eleven o’clock wing stop run with the boys would be in bad form, and i was craving crappier food than wings…and that would be mcdonald’s…

…hey, at least my crapola craving didn’t sink to that taco bell level, right?

so i walk into mcdonald’s and order my usual – two double cheeseburgers.

(this is my usual due to it being great road trip food – minimal condiments and vegetation and price made it a great to nosh on while driving all over hell’s half acre for star back in the day…the only exception is while in new mexico where i order the green chili version…)

but i was told, “no”. it was not burger time at mcdonald’s.

i thought it was ALWAYS burger time at mcdonald’s – that’s kinda what they do and shit.

no, burger time starts at 10:30 am – SHARP. extra emphasis on the SHARP.

imagine my surprise when i looked at the clock – it was 10:27 am.

you have to be messing with me, i said, in a more “outside” then “inside” kind of tone (i would like to note the word “messing” was substituted for the word “fucking” due to the manager on duty’s uncanny resemblance to my late first grade teacher.) how long till they’re ready?

“we can start making them in three…*looks at clock*…make that TWO minutes. that’s when breakfast is over…” she said, as if i was arguing with a known fact of nature, along the lines of “rain is wet” or some such shit.

sure enough, two minutes later she rang me up and got on the mic “two double cheeseburgers to go” – she actually watched the clock change on the register before doing this. something tells me this is one of those “disciplinary action up to and including termination” kind of offenses in their version of corporate america.

i’d heard about the perils of trying to get an egg mcmuffin at 10:35 in the morning before, but never thought i would live through the opposite at 10:27 wanting a burger.

live and learn.

mcdonald’s, if you’re reading this, that is just fucking retarded. sometimes, only sometimes, a burger is a damn fine thing before 10:30 am. likewise, sometimes a sausage biscuit really hits the spot come around 2:00 in the afternoon. other “restaurants”, put in quotes as we are talking about fast food here, serve the full menu ALL the time,(jack-in-the-box, for example, and they’re all open 24/7) – why can’t you?