MAXIMum exposure

05/28/2003: “”

okay, so i KNOW that these days, on the news stands, it’s all about exposure. about getting your name out there. and i am SO down with that…plus, the publishing “empire” i’m kind of attacking today is actually somewhere i’d love to work (and have been told i should), so it’s not meant in a negative way. or a trash-talking way. on the contrary, it’s a kind of warning, perhaps you folks have stretched yourself too thin kind of way…

and of course i’m talking about MAXIM.

now, before there was MAXIM, there were tons who do what they do. but somehow they stole the t & a crown (not meant to stand for topics and articles, of course) from details and made those folks have to be “real” journalists again (which meant converting to writing articles about straight guys who do gay porn versus articles on how to steal your buddy’s girlfriend, for example)…and all seemed harmonious.

…and then came Stuff.

okay, so in the interim, bob guccioni started his gear magazine, and now we’ve got gene simmons (yes, of kiss) with tongue, and transworld skateboarding (!?!?) throwing together stance (plus many, many, many more…). but this is about MAXIM spreading themselves a bit thin, so let’s get back to the Stuff issue.

MAGAZINES…ISSUES…FUCK i’m funny….but, i digress…

so, Stuff came out, and was supposed to be (from what i had been told) kind of a “Maxim Lite”…more of the “t” and the “a”, but less of the “substance” (did i miss something?); plus just extra stuff that didn’t make the MAXIM cut. all good. i got a subscription to that, too…

then came Blender; the MAXIM “take” on music magazines. this one i really do need to subscribe to, but haven’t yet. good stuff. all music (with the occasional scantily clad christina or shakira for that “touch” o’ MAXIM). so, what are we up to now? three?

…and of course, this was all in addition to the “Best of MAXIM” things they put out, plus the new “MAXIM Goes To The Movies”. now we’re more like four or five PER MONTH. getting a little ridiculous here. but why only have four or five when you can have a six pack (we always have MAXIM por hombres down here; the spanish version of the magazine…and they’ve also got an italian version, a german version, etc, etc, etc). but the latest is a bit much…

MAXIM fashion

um…okay. is this meant to take on GQ or something? no chicks on the cover (this month it’s samuel l. jackson). no “how to bag that stripper” kind of articles…instead “50 new sneaker designs for summer”. wonderful. don’t get me wrong, i can shop like a bitch when need be. but what the hell is this fashion rag shit? what else can we do? how far must we stratify?

1. maxim – in lower case ’cause it’s for midgets (yes…just like the rest of my page)

2. Whip Marks – MAXIM for fetishists

3. MAX-ZEE to da’ M-ZEE – MAXIM for da’ hood

4. Suds – all about beer, and the babes in the commercials

5. MAXIMum RPMs – for those who drive the $92,000 prelude ala 2fast, 2 furious

6. MAXXXIM – yeah, you KNEW with me there would have to be a porn one…

7. MAX – named like a guy, ’cause it’s for guys who like guys…no, wait…the homosexual set already has that MAXIM fashion shit

8. lil’ max & BIG MAX – for the father and son (or NAMBLA members, depending on how sick you think i am…any wagers on that one?)

9. Tunes – all about housewares (hey…if Blender can be a music magazine, why the hell not?)

10. Pathet Tech – kinda like wired and MAXIM combined, geared towards the lonely, desperate, frighteningly horny web folk…like you and me.

Replies: 4 Comments

well, as i mentioned, they already have MAXIM por los hombres for the latino crowd…but i really dig the other two; and i guess we could also have MIXIM for DJs and club kids. or MAXICROMBIE & FITCH, for that crowd.

but we shouldn’t call them “commies”…more like “democratically impaired”. but we’ll chat about the pc thing on fried day…

sean said @ 05/28/2003 11:53 AM CST

Maxim for commies?

g. said @ 05/28/2003 11:18 AM CST

damn, boy, don’t you know nuthin’? ya’ll ain’t “hispanic” anymo’, yew now “latino” [or latina, if the shoe fits]…

must be PC these days.

white trash said @ 05/28/2003 11:16 AM CST

Can we get a Mexim for all the hispanics… Marksim for our comrades… or even Mocksim for that satirist that we all know…

Harold said @ 05/28/2003 09:38 AM CST

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