a top ten about folks who can’t count that high (a throwback)

okay, before we go ANY further, the subject line is an old eddie murphy quote. NO, i don’t have herpes…hell i hardly have luggage (interesting side note; a friend of mine into the creepy-crawly variety of pets put “herpetology” down as a hobby on a job application…”herpetology” is the study of reptiles; his perspective employer thought it was the study of herpes). but this coughy, achey, down-in-the-dumps feeling i’ve had for the last couple of weeks appears to be the same way. can calm it; can mellow it; can’t shake it. so, for that and a couple of other reasons (one of which being that lack of someone just handing me a shoe box full of twenties for no reason) life could be a little better. doesn’t SUCK, i suppose, but could be better. but there is one bright note:

i don’t have to go to lufkin.

if west texas is the land time forgot (no explanation needed, i’ll assume), and the panhandle is the land pop culture forgot (remember gibson’s department stores? how about grabbing a burger at hardee’s? you can do both there), then east texas is the land darwin forgot. it’s scary stuff. at least i’m big enough (and look mean enough) to where i know nobody’s gonna be making ME squeal like a pig, but i digress…here’s a few fun facts about east texas…okay, so maybe “facts” is a strong word for this…but i at least overheard a couple of these at my last bar-b-que…or was it at sugar’s the other night???

1. the oak ridge boys can still play there and the promoter can make a profit.
2. it is legally REQUIRED to have a gun rack on anything with more than three wheels.
3. more than one high school uses “dueling banjos” as it’s school song.
4. it is not uncommon for the sheriff, the mayor, and the post man to all be the same person
5. more than one marriage has been split up because the husband wanted to move across state lines so he could buy liquor on sunday.
6. every year SOMEBODY gets drunk and takes livestock as their prom date.
7. blood tests are NEVER required for a marriage, ’cause you DON’T want to know.
8. the wealthiest man in town is the guy who owns the fireworks stands.
9. people that live in double-wides are seen as “well-to-do”.
10. next to father’s day, the most confusing moment in a young man’s life is wandering out of the beer joint and trying to figure out who’s camaro is who’s…

Replies: 3 Comments

let me tell you a little story. in longview [my hometown], our sheriff was once stopped for driving under the influence…in the sheriff mobile. when the cop pulled him over he did the old “don’t you know who i am?” thing and sped off to his house. this was in an election year. guess who won sheriff that year. that’s right sheriff drunk. i think that tells you how east texas is.

josh said @ 03/27/2002 12:56 AM GMT

“yes, I believe that boy has his thumb on the pulse of the east texas condition.”
(you might want to warn him to wear rubber gloves from now on)

must be Leo said @ 03/26/2002 10:51 PM GMT

I do believe that’s a quote now:
“then east texas is the land darwin forgot.”
Yes. You are so right. And that’s my people.