bought and paid fer

i recently responded to a poll on twitter that asked us to describe the current occupant of the white house in five words or less…

…my response?

best government money can buy

my proof, part 6,709,843:

because why invest in gold bullion when you can invest in gold bullshit?

the cost? one million us dollars. and i guarantee that’s all the vetting you need. while all the background info might say “murderous dictator” that one database voice can easily be silenced by the din of ten thousand benjamin franklin voices, i guarantee it. as to why a government document needs to have the current pres’s face on it, well, did you honestly expect it NOT to? it’s gold, for fuck sake.

so while it used to be, “give us your tired, your hungry, your huddled masses yearning to be free” now it’s “come on in if you’re white or rich”; and if you doubt me, just read about the gold card and look at how he’s handled south africa, only allowing white settlers in, and disagreeing with the actual president of that country (who’s not white, because it’s not a predominantly white country) when he pointed out the “wealthy white land owning class” was far from opressed. i promise trump considers them so because everywhere they look they’re surrounded by black folks…in africa…who’d have thunk it?

his folk only know africa two ways – filled with black folk, and a song they can at least one word to.

but, anywho, after you pay a $15,000.00 processing fee and commit your $1M you can become a us citizen lickity split. now, is it 100% legal? of course not! why daphuk would this apricot asshole start caring about laws now? remember, he’s a thirty-some-odd convicted felon. he didn’t care about the laws when they COULD prosecute him. now that he’s in office they won’t touch him and he knows it, so the rails are fuckin’ off!

now, does this mean people might pay all this money only to be ultimately denied citizenship? yep! but by then we have your money, and honestly, what else matters? this is the guy who only cares about tacky opulence on the level that’s turning the people’s house into a days inn conference center in toledo…

so as long as he gets your money, that’s all that matters. and to think, nobody thought the pay link for the gold card going to @yourfavoritepresident on venmo looked suspicious!